First of all, don't fucking to this.
Second of all, if you are going to do this (don't) I suggest you not be a cheap ass like me... DON'T buy a TWO pack for $20 and expect it to look good on you.
Clothes should not be bought in PACKS is my new rule... socks and sponges are bought in packs... not close fitting, skin tight clothing that sits in your crotch.
I haven't even told you how it looked yet... I mean, you can probably imagine, but let me finish anyway.
So, I order the body suits, and they arrive, and they are supposed to be like a cute V-neck.. and of course, it is like the lowest V-Neck you will ever see.
I'm not sure what this V-neck was supposed to be flaunting, but unless it was my fucking belly button... it failed.
Nothing looked good.. not even one thing... everything looked smooshed down like chicken breasts smashed into a too small zip loc bag.
Whose idea was putting on a bodysuit anyway?
Oh yeh, mine.
I was all.. "If Khloe can do it.. I can do it!"
Except that's not true... not all the time... especially not in the case of bodysuits.
Sometimes, you just shouldn't do things, even though a Kardashian can do it.
I try not to ever beat myself up, even though my friends and family know that I have wrestled with body issues for an eternity... I keep it well hidden from my children.
So when my daughter busted in (as children will do) while I was modeling the horrendous-ness that is a non-sculpting, extremely low cut bodysuit ... I was all, "What do you think!?"
And she was all, "Mom! You look AH-MAZING! I LOVE IT! LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS THEY LOOK SO SMOOSHY!"
And she's all smiling and clapping because she has no clue that I am having an internal struggle for so many fucking reasons but mostly because I hate this body suit and it is doing nothing for the body in it....
So I just said fuck it. And I clapped with her. I forgot about the panty lines that stupid bulky body suits give you... and I forgot about the weird hook and eye clasps in my crotch... because WHY...
I forgot about the fact that my usually petite-ish waist looked like a beer belly from pretty much every angle...
I did NOT forget that if I am ever dumb enough to order a body suit again that she will be made of all the spanx-ish material that one can mold into an article of clothing that is actually a weird bathing suit that you wear under your jeans.
I didn't forget that no matter how ugly and uncomfortable and down right bad someone feels about themselves... that there is nothing nothing nothing that a good excited clap cant make better.
So I clapped with my girl and I modeled that fucking God awful body suit for her and I told her I felt damn good about it...
Because even in moments of weakness, and self loathing, they are watching... and it's my job to make sure that my body image never ever ever become hers.
And one day, when she accidentally on purpose buys herself an article of clothing in pairs, and it looks totally horrendous and I find her in the mirror looking like I did... like... what?? why??? where did?? what happened to...
I will be there to clap and jump up and down and tell her that she looks AH-MAZING... just like she did for me.