2/22/17

You're Doing A Good Job

Let's be honest, parenting is hard work.

And in case no one else told you this today, you're doing a great job.

Whether you have a baby bun in your oven, or a 1 year old, or a teenager, whatever you've got... you're doing a good job.

When I think back to when my kids were 4,2, and just a baby... I can distinctly remember needing to hear those words.

This shit is hard ass work and if I've learned anything at all, it's not to judge people... and that we are all just trying to do the best we can.

Oh, and that no one has any idea what the fuck they are doing.

That is actually a really comforting thought to me some days...

Like today: when my oldest was like, "How old do I have to be to kiss with my mouth open?"

And my daughter who is FIVE was like, "Can I wear a belly shirt to school tomorrow?"

And the baby referred to just about every single thing as, "the damn thing," and for whatever reason only wanted to watch YouTube in Spanish.

So... as you can see... nothing has changed around here and I still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

It helps when I think that my parents had no idea what they were doing with us either, and we all turned out pretty okay.

I'm just kinda winging this parenting thing, and it makes me feel better to know that most of you are too.

If you follow us on Instagram, you know that we had a candle light dinner for Valentine's Day.

Well what the photos don't show is that I took the kids to Good Will before dinner to grab those candles... because I didn't want to spend a lot, and I figured it would be quick and easy.

Except that's the funny thing about life, and kids... just when you think, "this will be easy," life throws a curve ball at you that makes you want to duck and run.

Or in this case, put your hood on and hide from your own kids.

So we are walking through, minding our own business, and it's pretty packed but also pretty quiet and my adorable daughter decides this is the perfect time to ask me something slightly inappropriate.

Now here's where I would usually just tell you what she said- but, I actually wrote this blog last week, and originally, I included what she asked...

And then, I sat on this blog for a week and decided that I didn't feel like being attacked by the Internet- so I'm NOT going to tell you what she said.

But it's along the lines of something pretty embarrassing, and she's five, and doesn't know any better.

She doesn't know that her honest to goodness innocent question could be mistaken as rude, or ignorant. She doesn't know this.

But I do... obviously... which is why I'm not going to tell you what she said...

And even though I have hammered home every single lesson that I can about not staring, and not seeing skin color, and not caring who marries who,  and that our differences are what make us great... kids are still gonna be kids.

And they are still going to embarrass the shit out of you.

As someone who was teased, and was chubby, and doesn't see handicaps, and loves people of all colors, backgrounds, and sexual orientations...

 And someone who is insanely emotional about acceptance and anti-bullying... I was mortified, and felt like a total fucking failure.

Also...I had no idea how to handle it. 

Now here is where I should say that I calmly, and sweetly mic dropped a nugget of knowledge on my girl and was totally prepared for this mortifying moment but you guys...

I froze.

Actually, if I'm being honest. I didn't freeze.

I put my hood up. And was juuust about to run out of the aisle and literally leave my kids in the dust, when my oldest spoke up.

Actually, he just totally took charge and hissed at his sister..., "Baker! You don't say things like that! I know you don't know any better, and you're not trying to be mean, but you cant ask things like that in public, it isn't nice... ask Mom at home, or in the car!"

My little guy owned the shit out of that moment and if my mouth hadn't been on the floor.. I would have slow clapped for him.

I was so so proud.

He took over when I couldn't... he knew what was right... and he taught his sister in the same way that I taught him.

And my sweet daughter who loves all people, and accepts everyone, and whose only true wrong doing was being outwardly curious...she was so sad, and embarrassed to have been called out by her brother, and to have said something that could be deemed hurtful.

She really is such a little Mama, she loves everyone and always wants everyone to feel love... she was honestly sad to have voiced her question...

And I was torn, you know?

You want them to ask questions and be curious ... but you just don't know how people will react, and I think that was my big problem...

You just cant trust people to have a good reaction all the time, because this is 2017, and history tells us people are insane.

So right there in Good Will, I got on the floor, and I hugged all three of them close... because when emotions are running high, I have found that a hug from Mom is always the very best cure.

And because when I don't know what else to do... I hug them.

And because when I just need somewhere to put my arms... I hug them.

So... when you can't see past the two year old temper tantrum in front of your face, or the nine month old ear infections, or the teething, and bed wetting, and endless taxi rides to and from events...

If you're stuck in traffic and your kid is screaming bloody murder, or you have to feed them McDonald's or ice cream for dinner once in awhile, if you skip a few pages of the bed time story....

Remember this...

They are watching, they are listening, they are learning.. they are soaking up your energy, and your guidance, and taking their cues from you.

And every so often, they will embarrass you, but that's okay... because every so often they will make you proud too... because that's their job... to make you bipolar... to keep your emotions running hot and cold for the rest of your life.

And one day, they will be old enough to be embarrassed by us too..

And you can bet your ass that I've already got a laundry list of ways to make payback be a bitch... I'm gonna start by pooping in the grass at the Outlet Stores while they have a panic attack.

I mean...

No, you're not supposed to have all the answers, or have a clean house, or folded laundry .... all you need to do for them is be there to hug them when they fall...

And teach them what not to say in public, or at the very least try.

Oh yeh, and love them... fiercely.

But don't forget... to love yourself.

And stop beating yourself up all the time.

You are great, and you're doing great, and you look great, and you have such a nice ass!!

I knew exactly what you needed to hear right now, didn't I?

It's because we are all the same, we all want to love and be loved, and have a nice normal, crazy life.

We all just want to be good people, and raise good people.

There's gonna be ups, and there's gonna be down's... they are not a reflection of the job you are doing... they are just life.

Your job is to keep going and doing the best you can, day in, and day out... embarrassing moments, and happy moments, too.

Wherever you are in your parenting journey, whatever side of the world you're on, whatever time of day it is right now for you... know this...

You are doing an awesome job... you're allowed to have a bad day... and your kids think you're great.






1 comment :

  1. This post is perfect. I needed to hear this today and I remember you had written it, so here I am re-reading this to pump myself back up. We got this and tonight might end up being one of those "ice cream for dinner" kinda nights and that's okay. Thanks for sharing!

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