Valentine's Day At School

What the shit is going on with Valentine's Day?

Did I miss something?

Granted- I will admit, I still have never been on Pinterest... so maybe that's where there is a disconnect- but come on people... what is happening!

My kids came home from school after their Valentine's Day parties and they had HUGE GIFT BAGS... Like the birthday party kind... like 5 or 6 of them each kid.



I thought we had a fucking deal here people- we buy Valentine's at Target- hope that we get there before all the good ones are gone, and call it a day, right?

Well, apparently, I'm wrong... I'm the odd man out here, but damn it I am hoping to change all that.

Consider me a Pioneer for the Make Valentine's Day Mediocre Again movement.

Cause you people sent my kids home with BIG HUGE BOXES OF CHOCOLATE!

First of all.. why?

What is your problem?

Why the fuck would you send a box of chocolates home with a 5 year old?

What did I ever do to you?

Second of all... this.

How sweet of you to send my 7 year old home with a plant, which we will inevitably kill...

Also, he handed it to me and was like, "Here Mom, just what everyone wants on Valentine's Day... a radish."

And he didn't hand me the gift card that it came with, just the "radish."

And I'm turning it over and over in my hand like, what the fuck is happening right now, where did this come from and why is it in my hand?

Also... why do they always think I know what is going on! I have no idea what this is!

And all their eyeballs are looking at me silently like: "HMMM HMMMM? What is it Mom?"


So I open my mouth, and no words come out...

And I try again, this time speaking slowly because I have no idea what I am even saying..."You know what Bud, I actually think this is an onion. Orrr... maybe a super old potato that grew eyes?"

I'm thinking to myself, "This is the weirdest shit I have ever seen... who the Hell gives their kid onions to pass out on Valentine's Day?"

Of course, once he produced the little print out, I knew it was a bulb... and I felt like a jackass, because A- I thought it was a potato, and B- what a cute little hippy Mom to go to all this trouble.

But again, but still.... WHY???

They are kids! My own husband didn't give me a bulb, or a radish, or a potato on Valentine's Day!

I got $3 carnations that had probably been dropped and stepped on and pulled out of the reduced produce section.

But that's okay... because it's the thought.

And my thought is: Please, let's all go back to not trying to out do each other on fake school holidays.

Let's just all make a pact to do our best, and by "our best," I mean minimal effort on minimal budget...

Otherwise we are going to find ourselves at bulbs today and BMWs when they turn 16.

Let's get back to our boring, crappy, stickers, tattoos, and glow sticks Valentine's... before it's too late!


  1. A radish hahaha

    I got valentines from the target dollar section that came with little toys. NO CANDY!

    1. Me too! Target Star Wars with glow sticks and Butterflies with tattoos! Done! And Target Valentines are totally acceptable if you ask me - I have too many freaking kids to go all out all the time!


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