The Home Stager

Last we left off I told you that we were re-listing our home, and that we had worked with a Home Stager.

So what happened was, our new realtor hired a Home Stager, who came, walked through our house alone, and then with us, and then alone again.

She was so nice and chatty, and took lots of pictures and had such sweet and positive things to say....

And then she sent us an email with more than 150 things to do, and links, and exclamation points!! And so many things!

I know.

Her list was thorough, and LOOONG, and pretty expensive when you add up all the money that we need to spend to make it a reality.

But, it is what it is at this point... if I'm being honest, she's right about nearly all of it.

Some things I'm like, ehh... about... I mean, it's her job, so she knows best, however... I don't think we need to hide ALLLL of our toys.

I mean, kids live here, ya know?

Thank goodness for our realtor, bless her cute heart, she told us to just look at the stager's list, and pick half or three quarters of things to do- she said that it's not all 100% necessary...

She said this to us before the Home Stager ever even came to our house, so, clearly she knew what she was getting us into.

I feel like a Stager's job is to basically come in, and tell your Husband/Wife to do everything that you've been telling him/her to do for years.

So... we painted. And painted. AND PAINTED. AND PAINTED our fucking hands off.

The Home Stager suggested Benjamin Moore's Manchester Tan, for like, EVERY WALL.

Apparently, this is the color of new construction, and tricks people into thinking that your home is newer than it is.

Let me just note here, in case I am reading this ten years from now, and am considering doing a home renovation of any kind, ever again: DON'T DO IT SELF. DON'T DO IT.

My house was TORN apart for a week, with couches pushed in the middle of every single room, and rollers, and tape, and paint cans, and tool boxes in every direction.

It absolutely sucked.

THEN... add to the total chaos of painting your entire house: SNOW DAYS! LOTS OF THEM.

Ugh, it was a nightmare. Three kids and a construction site house, snowed in...

It's funny 'cause I'm not super religious but last week I heard myself talking to God quite a bit... let's just say I was taking a lot of deep breaths.

They're lucky they are so cute.

Besides painting, we changed a bunch of lights out for oil rubbed bronze versions, we took down all but 4 family photos in the entire house...

Considering we probably had 75 up, it feels pretty naked around here.

Our list is forever forever forever long... we've been to Home Depot and Lowe's 50 times.

We are bleeding money.

Speaking of money... this weekend we got a storage unit, and put a ton of our stuff in there.

We basically de-personalized the entire house.

Which everyone hears about on HGTV but really, when you actually switch out everything fun and exciting you own for neutral, white, and boring... it is sad.

It instantly takes your house from your home to .... not your home.

The Stager told us in a matter of fact manner that the most important thing for us, was paint, and lots of it... because our home looks a little bit like it's been beaten up by three children.

Hmm... not my angels.

She said that emptying out wasn't a huge focus for us, but I got the storage unit anyway... here's why.

Last year, when we got the text about a showing... things went like this:


Thank the Lord we weren't selling our cars... cause those shits were full of laundry baskets and five thousand toys.

This year, my hope, my dream, my "in my brain this sounds nice," idea... is that if I get a ton of stuff out of the house ahead of time, then maybe I wont have as much stuff to clean.

Makes sense right?

I mean... it sounds good.

Who the shit knows if it will actually work out... but in the mean time...

We are selling, EVERYTHING... and anything that isn't getting sold is going to Good Will, or the storage unit.

We have an official date for the photographer to come, and so now it's just a matter of how fast can we get things done...

Our list still has some major things on it, like painting my beloved yellow front doors.

And our beach bathroom... waaaah.

But, like my friend's husband said to me the other night... "Complain about it, get if off your chest, and then do it... because you want to move, right?"



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