Her name is Dorothy.
So, it's nap time, and it's quiet... and I hear this singing... and I can't figure out where it's coming from.
And I finally make my way into the playroom, and then into the playroom bathroom, and there's Dorothy, ninety nine percent frozen to the bottom of her tank and she's all:
Okay, so the singing part didn't happen... but she was kinda frozen to her rocks.
You see, the playroom has electric heat and the rest of the house doesn't.
So we only turn the heat on in there when we play in there.
Anyway, one thing led to another and there was Dorothy, hanging on for dear life.
Listen, I know shit about fish, so I am legit freaking out that my baby girl's fish is going to be dead when she wakes up from her nap.
I have no clue when I became so attached to Dorothy, but all of a sudden I was determined to save her little fish life.
I was pretty sure that if she wasn't too dead already, she would live.
So, I start googling and I stick my finger in Dorothy's water and realize that it is basically an ice cube.
Apparently Beta fish like warm water. Woops.
Within minutes I am six pages deep on a Beta thread from 2007 reading about colors and fins and gills and oxygen levels and heaters. For real, I had no idea that people love their fish so damn much.
I quickly realize that I suck as a fish owner and I feel pretty crappy about it.
Not that I am not a nice person, but my compassion towards a $2 fish astonishes even me.
So, I decide right then and there that I will become Bill Nye the Science Guy.
I start playing with water temperatures.
This is absurd because I honestly dont even like to get my hands wet.
I have no idea what the fuck I am doing but it involves a lot of turning the faucet on and off and a ton of Tupperware.
Since it was nap time, our house was quiet except for the buzz buzzing of my cell phone.
It was Husband of course, texting me like, "stop playing with the water, you are going to kill the fish, you are not Bill Nye.... Blah blah."
I stopped responding... I was on a mission.
After I got Dorothy in some warmer water, she started flit fluttering around slowly, but it occured to me that that she was kind of like, a weird ass color.
She wasnt deep blue anymore, she was like, dead green.
And her tail was all wrinkly like she had been in a bathtub for too long.
I wasn't convinced that she'd live, so I did what I had to do.
I woke Girlfriend up from her nap to prepare her that Dorothy might kick the bucket.
She looked at me with those big brown eyes and gave me an open mouthed, blink blink.
She quietly got out of bed and walked across the room without saying a word.
Her Daddy had recently given her flowers, which were sitting on her dresser.
She grabbed the flowers from their vase, shook off the excess water, and said, "Okay, let's go watch Dorothy die. I'll give her these flowers and then we can go buy another fish. Can I get a red one?"
Clearly, Girlfriend is still too young to give any shits about her fish dying.
We watched Dorothy swim around for awhile and stayed quiet...
When Girlfriend got tired of being quiet she looked at me and said, "Ugh... Dorothy is taking FOREVER to die! Let's just have a party for her to live."
Girlfriend was all, "let's sing songs and act silly to celebrate her blue life!"
And so we did.
It's been about two weeks now, and Dorothy is still alive and
I was super proud of my girl for being so calm about the entire event... if not a little worried at her apparent lack of compassion.
At the end of the day, the fish lived, and we all laughed.
Oh and in case there are any beta police out there reading this, dont worry, her water is warm now.