4/29/14

She...

I was mopping the bathroom floor yesterday when Girlfriend asked if she could help.

I said sure, and handed her the mop.

Then I turned around to pick up a bath mat.

When I stood up and looked at her she was chewing on the mop like it was a piece of gum.

I was all, "WHY! WHY! OH MY GOD WHYYY! YOU'RE GOING TO GET HEPATITIS!"

And she's all.... dead pan dirty look eyes.... "No I not."

If she could have... I think she would have told me to mind my own fucking business.

But since she is too young to articulate that, and that is too freaking weird anyway... she just whined and complained and tried to justify why eating a mop was perfectly acceptable two year old behavior.

I shushed her and popped her in the shower because... I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

I told her to open her mouth and look at the ceiling.... to catch every last drop of water that came out of the shower.

Then I dumped an entire tube of toothpaste down her throat because... gross.

My Girlfriend..... never met a mop she didn't like.



At least her mouth is clean?





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