3/25/14

Three Whole Days

My mother has started the semi helpful slash semi annoying trend of giving my kids pretty much anything she can find before we leave her house.

I mean... the thought is nice...

She knows that Girlfriend still has some serious car issues (translation: she fucking hates it), and that Boyfriend gets bored sitting in the way, way back... so it's a nice gesture... it is.

Except... right now??

Right now there are three nutcrackers (actual nutcrackers, not the Christmas kind), a set of keys that belongs to no one, old books, disposable cameras, legos.... all in the back of my car.

The kids enjoy the randomness of the last minute secret gifts that she puts in their hands as we head out the door... and I have to admit that I don't mind the temporary quiet on the way home.

But.... one night my mom handed Girlfriend a magazine on our way out the door.

Not just any magazine though... she gave her a National Geographic.

So for three whole days after we left my Mom's house... I would hear Girlfriend jibber jabber about her magazine.

And it kept her very quiet.

But it wasn't until I was driving Boyfriend to school three whole days later when Girlfriend quietly mumbled....

"Mama... yook at dis yadie's bobos... they are very big."

Say what now?

Bobos?

If you've been reading long enough, you know that Girlfriend calls, nipples ... "bobos."

(Not to be confused with Boyfriend, who calls them, "dots".)

So I'm stuck driving the car with absolutely no freaking way of knowing what in the Hell Girlfriend is looking where she is seeing bobos... big or small.

And I'm all...

"What are you looking at?"

I'm trying to be calm because I know if I act like she shouldn't have said it she will clam up, and I really like the kids to tell me everything.

"My magazine! It has yadie's with weird bobos! See?"

And at the next stop light... she hands me her magazine, and sure enough, there are the yadies and their bobos.

It took another day or so to sneak a new magazine into the car and get the National Geographic away from my very body curious two year old.

Oh yeh and the worst part is...

I took this picture of her clearly looking at a National Geographic, open to a page of bobos... on day one... the first ride home with the book.



I just snapped the picture... and didn't pay any attention to what she was looking at...

Maybe I can blame it on not wearing my glasses??

Oh and my mother?

The junk drawer gifter?

She's been instructed to keep it to only things that don't involve any nudity in the future.



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