You Gotta Clip It

Baby Boy got his tongue tie clipped about a month back.

I know. I'm behind.

Anyway... if you read about when I turned my Doll Face blue, you know that they were treating us for thrush... but it was accidentally Baby Boy's tongue tie that was the problem.

So... the Doctor was all, "It's not that bad, but you should get it clipped if you want to enjoy nursing."

And since I am a lover of all things breast feeding... I went ahead and made the appointment for Boyfriend's tongue to get the ol' choparoo.

Actually... first I called the Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist that our Pediatrician recommended and they said he couldn't see us for two weeks.

And that's when I started to panic, and called every single Specialist that I could find.

It wasn't that Baby Boyfriend's tongue tie bothered me all that much... but I'll be damned if I wasn't tired of my boobs hurting!

I had been using creams and potions for a full five weeks when they found the tongue tie and I was ready to feel like a human being again.

Long story short... the original recommended Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist had a surprise opening at one of his Office's and I jumped on it.

But not before calling my friend Rachie, who is a nurse, and begging her to hold the Dollface during the procedure.

I just couldn't stand the idea of watching a Doctor clamp and take scissors to my baby's tongue.

I just couldn't do it.

Lucky for me... Rachie could.

I hung up with Rachie and called Lu, who said she would watch the big kids in the waiting room while I hid in the hallway during the tongue clip.

Thank God for my friends.

They totally had my back on this one.

Which is great cause Husband's job keeps him freaking busy these days.

Anyway... Rachie and I go into the little room.

I tell her that I am freaking the fuck out about having my little Sweet Potato's tongue clipped and she's all...

"Don't worry... I know this Doctor, he is awesome, it'll be fine."

So I'm trying not to cry while I remember when I had my own tongue clamped...

I was 18... in a tiki hut... on the beach... in Florida.

Granted I was voluntairly getting my tongue pierced at the time, but shit that clamp was uncomfortable.

I was feeling really terrible about Baby's tongue and was ready to bail when the Doctor walked in.

Annnnnddddd he was pretty much the hottest Doctor on the planet.

Thanks a freaking lot for the heads up Rachie!

Mr. Movie Star Silver Fox Doctor comes in and shakes my hand and I forget all about my baby's tongue and tell him instead that my boobs hurt.

Yup. I did.

This guy was a mix between Brad Pitt and George Clooney, but better, because hello... he's a Doctor.

I mean no disrespect to my fantastic husband... but this man was a smoke show.

And also?? A FANTASTIC distraction.

Seriously I was all, "tongue clip? baby? huh?"

I handed Baby Boy over to Rachie who sat calmly in the chair because remember she already knew that Doc McHottie was a movie star... so she wasn't surprised at all when he came in looking like himself.

She sat in the chair for the quick; 'clamp, cut, cauterize, done' procedure... which took all of two minutes and officially changed our nursing problems forever.

I hid in the hallway covering my ears and was pleasantly surprised at how quick everything happened.

Seriously...f your child has a tongue tie... get the freaking thing clipped.

It is a totally common, non-invasive procedure and my Dolly stopped crying the second I picked him up.

Now he won't have a lisp, and within three days of having it clipped all of our nursing problems were gone forever.

The whole family is functioning better.

For starters... I missed bras! Thank God I can be comfortably holstered again.

The big kids are thrilled that I am wearing a shirt all the time, and not just when people come over to visit anymore.

Baby Boy thinks he is pretty cool with his new and improved tongue... he sticks it out non-stop these days.

And Husband is happy that I'm no longer complaining about my boobs every second.

An all round win for everybody.

Oh and most importantly of all... the Sweet Potato can latch the right way now... and I don't feel like he is trying to cause me a slow and painful death via my nipples.



At Long Last... A Big Girl Room.

You might remember before my little sweet potato was born that we were having a bedroom / office / nursery dilemma.

To refresh your memory... we had no idea where to put all our tiny humans... or Husband's office.

Well, way back in the beginning of January, about three weeks before number three entered the world... we figured it all out, and things have been going great ever since.

Which is such a blessing because the absolute last thing I had time for was to "transition," a two year old into a big girl room.

Or...should I say teenage room... cause that's kinda what it looks like... see?

I mean, take away the bed rails, the mobile over the bed and the enormous Minnie Mouse... and you've got yourself a room fit for a tween.

I would have absolutely loved this room when I was younger... it's not too girly, but still really fun.

 I have a rule about not spending too much on kid bedding... so even though this one is a dead ringer for a Kate Spade set I saw at Bed Bath & Beyond.... it's actually from Walmart.com.

It's reversible and I swear I would steal the sheets if Husband would let me have a polka dot room... they are so soft!!

My favorite thing about this room is that it came together with the help of a lot of people that truly love us.

Everyone knew that I was stressing about giving each kid their own space, and having the house just right for Baby #3.

And because I couldn't do a lot of it myself (at nine months pregnant, how could I??)... a lot of people stepped up to help us make my vision a reality.

My sister, Tyler, (Girlfriend's Godmother) is super creative and patient with all things decor-y... which was a huge help with this makeover.

As luck would have it, Tyler's boyfriend is really handy...

So the two of them combined their talents and made Girlfriend her awesome headboard out of plywood, batting, and fabric.

Seriously... I did not have a room like this growing up, Girlfriend is super lucky that so many people love her.

I also gave Tyler blue curtains that I had on hand and she added the white and pink bottoms to them.

I know... they look professional and every single person who walks into the room asks about them... she did good, right?

The giant Minnie Mouse was a Christmas gift from my Mother in Law, and it's Girlfriend's favorite thing in the room.

The mobile over her bed was something I made for her nursery...

And all of the cupcake wall art was made for her nursery by our wonderfully talented friend Rachie.

The Pottery Barn hanging bookcase was a hand me down from my parent's neighbor....

 And the dresser was a hand me down (twenty years ago) from another of my parent's neighbors.

Girlfriend was super excited to move into her big girl room and never once asked about her crib, or her old room.

We kept all of the wall decor the same as her nursery so things would be familiar to her.

We made a big deal out of her having such a big bed (seriously a queen bed for a two year old??) and she loves to show off her room to nearly every person who walks in the door.

Ironically, even though we've lived here for five years, it is really just starting to feel like home.

Each room has a real definitive purpose now and it feels really full and happy around here.

Next on the list is to start the bambino's room.... one day.... before he goes to College is the goal.


Three Whole Days

My mother has started the semi helpful slash semi annoying trend of giving my kids pretty much anything she can find before we leave her house.

I mean... the thought is nice...

She knows that Girlfriend still has some serious car issues (translation: she fucking hates it), and that Boyfriend gets bored sitting in the way, way back... so it's a nice gesture... it is.

Except... right now??

Right now there are three nutcrackers (actual nutcrackers, not the Christmas kind), a set of keys that belongs to no one, old books, disposable cameras, legos.... all in the back of my car.

The kids enjoy the randomness of the last minute secret gifts that she puts in their hands as we head out the door... and I have to admit that I don't mind the temporary quiet on the way home.

But.... one night my mom handed Girlfriend a magazine on our way out the door.

Not just any magazine though... she gave her a National Geographic.

So for three whole days after we left my Mom's house... I would hear Girlfriend jibber jabber about her magazine.

And it kept her very quiet.

But it wasn't until I was driving Boyfriend to school three whole days later when Girlfriend quietly mumbled....

"Mama... yook at dis yadie's bobos... they are very big."

Say what now?


If you've been reading long enough, you know that Girlfriend calls, nipples ... "bobos."

(Not to be confused with Boyfriend, who calls them, "dots".)

So I'm stuck driving the car with absolutely no freaking way of knowing what in the Hell Girlfriend is looking where she is seeing bobos... big or small.

And I'm all...

"What are you looking at?"

I'm trying to be calm because I know if I act like she shouldn't have said it she will clam up, and I really like the kids to tell me everything.

"My magazine! It has yadie's with weird bobos! See?"

And at the next stop light... she hands me her magazine, and sure enough, there are the yadies and their bobos.

It took another day or so to sneak a new magazine into the car and get the National Geographic away from my very body curious two year old.

Oh yeh and the worst part is...

I took this picture of her clearly looking at a National Geographic, open to a page of bobos... on day one... the first ride home with the book.

I just snapped the picture... and didn't pay any attention to what she was looking at...

Maybe I can blame it on not wearing my glasses??

Oh and my mother?

The junk drawer gifter?

She's been instructed to keep it to only things that don't involve any nudity in the future.


Happy St. Patty's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

What a difference a year has made in our house!!!

If you're young enough slash old enough to be out partying today, please be safe.

Some of the BEST memories of MY ENTIRE LIFE are of when I bartended in an Irish Bar on St. Patrick's Day.

Anyone who says you can't meet wonderful, caring, hard working people in a bar... was never lucky enough to meet my friends.

When I was a Sophomore in College, my parents MADE me skip class, and bartend from open to Close on St. Patrick's Day.

I made nearly $1,000.00.

I could barely walk at the end of the day... but I went to bed that night with a perma smile on my face.

There is just nothing like running around like a crazy person behind the bar while the bag pipes blare and the corned beef is served near by.

And now here I am, ten years later... setting up photo shoots for my babies, with marshmallows and all the green I can throw at them.

My... how things have changed.


Buckle Buckle

Before the bambino was born I talked about how we needed to buy a bigger car to accommodate our growing brood of car seat needing kids.

And a few days before Christmas... we did.

We did not get a mini van even though no fewer than ten thousand people told us we should.

We love our SUV but once the baby was born we realized quickly that he was not safe sitting in between his brother and sister, three across.

Becaaaause... Girlfriend unbuckled his seat belt every time we went anywhere.

Just what I needed... another reason to have a panic attack.

So.. we had to move Boyfriend to the middle, but that made it pretty much impossible to buckle his seat belt ya know?

I was starting to get all sweaty and flaily and think that we bought the wrong car when we decided to upgrade Boyfriend to a real deal high back booster seat.

It was time.

He was well over the weight limit, and is four... so it made sense.

Plus... hello... he could buckle himself, yay!

Except... no.

He couldn't buckle himself because the car seats were too crammy and the buckle was too short for his little arms... so he couldn't reach.

So we  brought all the big kid seats that we owned into the living room to play around with which ones would fit best and be easiest to buckle when butted up next to each other.

At this point I was pretty much ready to put the car up for sale... I was mad and frustrated and as a last resort I googled, "seat belt buckle extender."

I had no idea if that was even a thing, but as it turns out.... IT IS!!

Thank God for the Seat Belt Extender Pros... for real, they made this entire process so easy for a maniac, strung out, sleepy Mom like me.

I went to their website and saw that you could browse by car, which is a feature that I couldn't find anywhere else online.

I actually saw a lot of complaints on Amazon from people that bought car seat extenders that weren't compatible with their car... so when I found this "browse by car," feature... I was psyched.

Just what I needed... idiot proof.

Except they didn't stop there... they went one step further.

The Seat Belt Extender Pros actually offer live help on their website... in the form of a, "Click here to chat," kinda thing.

So I did... I clicked.

Then I explained in a semi-frantic way that we needed a seat belt extender for our particular year make and model car... or we would have to buy a new one.

And the awesome lady was like, "okay what seat will the child sit in?"

Uhh... I never would have thought of that... that the buckles could potentially be different in the center than they are on the sides.

These people know their shit seat belts.

So then the sweet lady guided me to a three inch extender that would work for the middle seat of our new whip....

And then she was all...

"Well what about the eight inch rigid extender... in case the flimsy one gets stuck and your son cant reach it?"

Yet another thing that I wouldn't have thought of.

So... we got both.

And now life is much easier.

We ended up using the three inch one, but keep the eight inch one on hand just in case.

Boyfriend just hops himself up into his seat and buckles himself in...

The extender just clicks right into the regular buckle, like so...

And so...

Because I worry, I go back and check his buckle every time, and every time he does it right!

Even with the extender though, it was still a freaking tight squeeze for those buckles...

And after awhile, I couldn't handle the big kids sitting next to each other anymore ...

There was a lot of pulling on each other... which almost always ended with someone crying.

So it just made sense to move Boyfriend to the coveted way, waay back...

Thankfully, our seat belt extender is compatible in the back seat as well, so Boyfriend can buckle himself in and we don't have to climb back there to help.

We just give a quick peak over the seat to make sure he did it right.

Now he's happy because he feels independent and we're happy BECAUSE HE'S DOING SOMETHING INDEPENDENTLY!

(Although... why couldn't it be wiping his butt? If he was going to do just one thing completely unassisted I would want it to be butt wiping not seat belt buckling... just sayin')

And now the kids don't look like sardines crammed into a car anymore.

Life is better for all of us with the seat belt extender around... everyone can breathe better... even / especially...  me.

**If you think a seat belt extender might help you and your family find some peace in the car, feel free to use coupon code HappyDay to save $5!!!

**Special thanks to the Seat Belt Extender Pros... who helped walk me off the edge of a cliff when I thought we had to buy a new car. They seriously saved the day.


The Day I Turned My Baby Blue

I'm back to talk about my boobs. Yay.

The Sweet Potato and I had a seriously bad case of thrush... if you don't know what that is, google it.

Anyway, we have thrush and my dots (dots= kid speak for nipples) were burning and painful and Boyfriend's little tongue was white.

No matter what we did, we couldn't kick this yeasty nuisance.

We tried oral meds, creams, probiotics, coconut oil, apple cider vinegar, white vinegar in water (side note: this actually helped a little).

I stopped wearing a bra altogether for three weeks.

I walked around topless every chance I got, and laid in the sunshine spots on the floor of my room like a cat trying to kill the yeast.

Nothing worked.

I was desperate... the lactation specialist at our Pediatrician wasn't calling me back and I had exhausted all of googles options.

Except... Gentian Violet.

I don't pretend to know what it is, which is why I avoided it until the Mid-Wife at my Gyno suggested I give it a try.

She was totally chill about it and was all, "Just wipe a little Vaseline on his lips so he doesn't turn purple."

I went ahead and bought the purple stuff, grabbed some cotton balls to apply it with, and applied some Vaseline to Baby Boy's little pucker.

Just a quick side note that this was Husband's first night away from home, so I was going for it with the Gentian Violet stuff all by myself... I felt like I was going to war.

It was scary!

When I first dipped the cotton ball into the blue stuff and put it on myself I knew instantly that using a cotton ball was a bad idea...

The shit was dripping everywhere... a Q-Tip would have been a better choice.

Next up I covered Baby Boy's little lips with Vaseline, and sat down to nurse.

I had prepped our bed before hand with navy blue towels and blankets so if any purple stuff got anywhere it wouldn't show.

You know what I forgot to prep?

His face.

Um HELLO... why the fuck didn't that lady tell me to just dump my whole freaking kid in the Vaseline??

Just moosh my baby all up in that tub of Vaseline.

Babies do not just perch themselves on your nipple like they are smoking a cigarette!!

They are all snuggly in that soft, warm mommy pillow.

And so... as I nursed quietly, waiting for the magic of Gentian Violet to work... I was SHOCKED when Boyfriend pulled himself sleepily off my boob...

I was expecting purple lips... NOT A PURPLE KID!

I panicked...like legit, "Holy shit holy shit holy shit!"

I started googling, "Remove Gentian Violet stains," as fast as my shaking fingers could type.

My poor baby was purple... like PUUUURPLE (say it deep).

I read that rubbing alcohol would remove some of the stains... except Husband used it to clean the couch.

Next up?? Vodka.

Down to the kitchen I ran, me and my purple boobs... thank God for an un-opened bottle of Absolut.

This is insane... I know.

I dabbed a teeny, tiny bit on a Q-tip and then tried to wipe off a tiny spot on the Dollface's cheek... it worked... it totally lightened the stain.

But try as I might, I couldn't get myself to wipe it all off... even though he looked FUCKING RIDICULOUS... I never got past that first wipe.

Everything I read said it was safe, but I kept thinking what if he gets drunk?!

I decided he was better off purple than he was hammered... so I left him alone to sleep... and be purple.

Over time it lightened up and came off his face... and within 12 hours he looked like this...

Within eighteen he was here... a little lighter, and matching his sister's pants.

I kept waiting for the relief but never really got any at all.

The next night Husband was home from his business trip and could help me Vaseline up the Baby before going in with the Gentian Violet again.

This time I instructed him to cover his entire face with the greasy stuff... and things went much smoother.

His lips and tongue and mouth and gums were still purple, but not his poor little face.

I gave up on the Gentian Violet because I felt freaking terrible looking at my poor little nugget turning purple.

Even though he was completely back to normal within 36 hours... I just couldn't stand the sight of him being purple.

I decided I would rather be uncomfortable and in pain than have my child look like Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I am told that Gentian Violet will work for thrush every time, no matter what.

So if you are struggling, and you can handle seeing your bambino turn purple, then I say go for it.


Just kidding, not their whole head... but definitely their cheeks.

As for me and my little jelly bean....

We recently found out that we don't actually have thrush after all... and we never did.


Cue me face palming myself nine thousand times.

The Sweet Potato actually has a tongue tie... which means he can't really stick his tongue out and has been slowly and surely trying to murder me while he breast feeds.

I said from Day One that he has a vicious latch and now we know why!!

But don't worry... it's nothing a quick and harmless procedure can't cure.

Too bad I can't say the same for our bathroom counter top... that shit is fucked for life.


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