I have called Poison Control for her more times than I'd like to admit...
She has put everything from tattoos, to a dog's ear, to Hand Sanitizer in her mouth... and for a little while there, she actually enjoyed eating deodorant.
So... the other day... it finally happened....
Wait, let me back up.... and say... don't judge me.
This freakin' kid has been giving me a panic attack on the daily since she was born.
So don't get all huffy when I say that, the other day, when life finally bit back ... I couldn't help but laugh.
Once I knew that she was fine, I found this whole thing to be absolutely hysterical.
On this particular day, I had been putting DVDs on half.com (do you sell on there? it is so easy!)... and there was a giant stack of movies next to me that Girlfriend was playing with.
Everything was going just fine when out of nowhere, she starts to panic... like legit freak out.
Every mom knows their kid's panic cry and can tell the difference between, "I'm hurt," and "I'm hungry," and "I'm just being a brat."
This one was, "I'm hurt...." but it didn't sound like it usually does... it sounded kinda like... something was stuck in her mouth.
When I turned to look at her I realized that something wasn't stuck in her mouth... something was stuck ON her mouth.
Girlfriend had bitten the DVD case and the case had closed on her lip...
Which was hanging a good inch and a half below her mouth now, because the DVD was actually hanging off her face.
I can't even write those words without laughing.
She was fine and got the DVD case off her lip all by herself... which is good because I was no freaking help at all.
The kid was so busy flailing and scream / grunting, and the case was swinging back and forth...
There was really no way for me to jump in there and pull it off... so it's a good thing she handled that shit on her own.
And now, finally, at almost 27 months old... we can start a list of things that she will not put into her mouth ever again.
Number One... DVD cases.
And just cause she makes me laugh... here she is throwin' it back to Montel Williams in the 90's...