11/20/13

My Bull

Yesterday, in our home town (not the one we currently live in, but the one we were raised in)... a bull got loose... somehow, some way.

And that bull, caused such a ruckus... the Police Department and the Zoo and easily fifteen plus people tried to corner and capture that bull so it didn't cause any harm to himself or others.

I didn't really think much about this bull when I read this on the News... I mean, it was weird as Hell... but it didn't affect me much.

Until today, when my own bull got loose.

My freaking daughter.

Man that kid is making me age so damn fast.

There I was, putting my groceries on the conveyor belt at the Grocery Store, with my Girlfriend sitting in the car cart.

I'm just minding my own business, milk, eggs, bread... scan, scan, scan...

When I got that feeling that I was being watched.

I look to my right and there are like six people laughing and staring in my direction.

No one says anything so I just follow their gaze and realize that they are laughing at my Girlfriend... who has somehow gotten out of the safety belt in the car cart... and is now running free like a maniac through the Grocery Store.

Let me just state that for the record, we have an amazing Grocery Store that is nearly empty all the time, and these people that were laughing were actually store employees who see us shopping there numerous times a week.

So any of them could have kinda jumped in her path to stop her from running... but no one did!

They say it takes a village right??

Well fuck those fucking villagers cause as soon as I saw my Girlfriend running around the 15 foot long Thanksgiving display I threw my apples at the Check Out counter and took off after my Doll...

Who saw me coming and instantly ran in the opposite direction.

Okay, now are you picturing this? REALLY... ARE YOU??

I am 30 weeks pregnant and I am RUNNING after the fastest two year old alive, around a GINORMOUS display of Thanksgivingness...

I'm full on sprinting in circles around a giant fucking stack of Stove Top Stuffing, and I can't even SEE my Girlfriend on the other side cause the display is so damn tall...

But I can hear her, oh can I hear her...

That evil little troll laughing her head off at me as I am trying not to have a panic attack and/or DIE of an asthma attack because HELLO... I am out of shape and VERY PREGNANT.

Just when I think that this moment can't get any worse, Girlfriend runs in front of the IN door... and it opens...

And she runs out.

Thank GOD she couldn't get the second door, the one that actually leads out to the parking lot... opened.

I ran and grabbed her and put her in the top part of the cart and locked her in... I also held onto her arm, just in case she tried to Houdini me.

I  made her apologize to the Check Out lady... even though she was fucking useless and was all, "Ohhh isn't she cute?"

Yeh... cute... that's the adjective I was looking for.

Since Girlfriend doesn't give a shit about Time Outs, or losing toys... I told her she couldn't have a Pop Tart... which made her cry, so... I guess that worked??

I was really pissed all the way home at all those dumb workers who decided that the best way to help  a big pregnant lady with a crazy two year old was to point and laugh.

I mean, it wasn't their fault, but COME ON... if you see a toddler running towards a parking lot, you jump in front of them, right?!?

I mean... hello.... fifteen people in Connecticut tried to corner a bull yesterday.... but no one could corner my daughter and help a sista out?!?!?! NOT EVEN ONE PERSON!??


You're trying to tell me this kid doesn't look like a threat to others and herself??? COME ON!!!

Where is the Zoo Keeper with a kiddie tranquilizer when you need one!?

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