11/27/13

Two Year Olds Are Crazy

If I have said it once, I've said it a thousand times... two year olds are like drunk people... you just don't know what is going to come next!!

They are messy, sloppy, loud, affectionate, have ridiculous fears, are overly brave... they often have food on their faces and their hair is a mess... they slur their words and only make sense 50% of the time.... right??

Two year olds and drunk people are kinda one and the same.

So what's the latest with my two year old??


Well aside from loving her playgroup school so so much (the girl is pretty much the Mayor and sings a mean, "Ring Around the Rosy")... my Girlfriend has developed a couple new fears.

It started at my Father in Law's house... he has a toilet seat in his bathroom that isn't a full circle, you know the kind that is open in the center?

Girlfriend was petrified and had never seen anything like it. She begged me to, "close it! make it tight!".. before she'd use it.

Weird, I know.


Since then she has seen this same kind of toilet seat in numerous public bathrooms and she would pretty much rather hold it and have her eyes turn yellow before using one to pee.

She is convinced that she will fall in, even though I am holding on to her and she is holding on to me, for dear life.

If you happened to be in a stall near us in a public restroom you might hear me say, "It's fine! You wont fall in! Just hold on to Mommy's legs... hold on tight, don't lean back and you'll be fine!"

It's my new normal; coaxing someone to sit down on the toilet. No big deal.


What else is she afraid of??

Like toilet seats aren't bad enough??

Oh nothing big, just SANTA and CHRISTMAS TREES.



She freaks out every time we tell her we are getting a tree... which we are... on Saturday... so she's got three days to get the frig over it cause Mama is obsessed with Christmas.

What else??

Oh yeh she told me she hates me today.

That was lovely.

And something that my Boyfriend has NEVER done.

Actually... the second she said it he was all, "Well I love you Mom."

Aside from hating me (she doesn't even know what that means), she loves all sorts of art, and her brother, her brother, her brother.


We have begun the task of starting a big girl room but dear God it is going terribly and everything little thing that can go wrong is going wrong... so let's hope she stays put in her crib for a few more weeks.

Girlfriend is my biggest fear as far as the new baby is concerned.

She is totally hands on and in your face with her love... she just can't get enough of anyone (except when she is telling them she hates them)... so I am a leeeetle scared that she will attempt to eat and or throw the baby.


We have less than eight weeks to continue working with her on our baby important lessons, "YOU ONLY HOLD A BABY WITH A GROWN UP...." hopefully that's enough time!!

(Gulp)



11/26/13

Cord Blood Banking & Giveaway! (Sponsored Post)

Last time I posted about Lifebank USA... I talked a lot about how it is expensive to bank your baby's cord blood, but totally worth it if you can afford it.



I also talked about how my OB has suggested that I donate my cord blood with this baby, as I had told her that it was probably too much money for us to bank on our own.

The more I think about it, the more I think that I will donate the baby's cord blood this time, because it is a free and wonderful way for me to help others.

You've probably heard that your baby's cord blood can't help your baby, but it can help others, as in, possibly siblings.

To be honest, I didn't know much about this, or even really understand it... until I read Quentin's story.

Quentin was 4 when doctors gave him a 30% chance of surviving his particular kind of cancer.

Doctors gave his parents the grim outlook with one promising glimmer of hope... Quentin's Mom was pregnant, and they encouraged her to bank her cord and placenta blood at birth.

Miraculously, after his sister was born and her cord and placenta were banked with Lifebank USA... Doctors were able to give him a transplant... which saved his life.

He has been in complete remission since 2010.

Quentin's amazing story of survival thanks to his parents courageous decision is heart warming to read but also... so scary.


We all worry and pray every single day that our children will always, always, always be safe.

So reading about a little boy who fell victim to a helpless disease is frightening in every sense of the word.

Sadly, many families have a history of cancer.. and those are the ones that might want to really and truly consider what cord blood banking might mean for them.

It might just mean, a victory like Quentin's.

So although banking cord blood may seem monetarily out of reach for a lot of us... if it is an opportunity to break a vicious family cycle, then it is worth every dime.

And if you can't afford it... then please consider donating your baby's cord blood, like I am considering donating mine.

If we can possibly save a life and help someone else defeat childhood illness... we should... don't you think??

LifebankUSA is giving away THREE  top rated, Britax Marathon 70-G3 Convertible Car Seats (a $260 value!!!) in a random drawing. 

To enter,  "like" LifeBankUSA on Facebook and read more about the contest on their Facebook page.... Good Luck!!




11/25/13

A Project

Two days a week Boyfriend is home with Girlfriend and I and we do "a project."

My kids refer to basically anything that is messy as, "a project,".

I try not to do the same thing twice with them and I try to keep it old school... I don't look at Pinterest and I refer to my own childhood for inspiration.

Last week they were going insane, asking me 100 times a minute to do a project do a project doaprojectdoaproject....

My mind was spinning and I was thiiiiiis close to losing it.

I didn't have anything on the agenda for the day so I decided to pull out our craft box.

To be honest I had no idea what the Hell was in there... but I knew it would keep them momentarily quiet, so I went for it.

As I was trying to figure out what to have them make or decorate, they watched me wipe down the kitchen table (I am big on cleaning a mess before starting a mess... it just makes sense.)

As luck would have it, the paper towel ran out just as I was finished wiping down the glass on the table and a light bulb went off in my head.

I quickly cut the roll in half, and handed one to each kid.


That's really all it took to spark their creativity.


It was cool because I pretty much got to just be a fly on the wall and watch them work... it was adorable to see the phases each piece went through before being "done".


Obviously I helped with the cutting and any gluing... but the rest was up to them.


I love seeing their little minds work.

Kids are teeny tiny geniuses, they find art in everything and they see things so differently than we do.

The Dolls final projects are such ridiculous representations of themselves it is so amazing... his is very well thought out, logical, and makes sense.

And hers... well... hers is loud and spazzy and fun and creative.


I loved watching them work on something so silly, and how they turned it into something totally and 100% all their own...

Who knew I would be the one to get so much happiness and satisfaction out of a paper towel roll project??

11/21/13

Pre-School Update

So Boyfriend is now three months into his second year of pre-school... which means it's time for writing!!!

He is doing so awesome and is totally into it... he even asks me to write words that he can trace and mimic on his own.

As a Mom of a real deal boy, who gets dirty and messy and has no off switch.... I am blown away with his excitement about education.

This new found interest in learning is something we haven't experienced yet and I am over the moon happy about how wonderful Boyfriend is doing and how really and truly INTO IT he is...

I mean, hello.... I started a blog 3+ years ago because I love to write... so seeing my Boyfriend's excitement over it makes my heart skip a beat.

Of course, I am no fool and I know that there is a good chance that he could end up like his Father, in the back of the class room making fart noises when the teacher bends over, with zero interest in school other than who is fighting who that day...

So, I'm planning on enjoying every single educational victory we have along the way... big or small, they all matter to me.

Which brings me to my school days project update.

Like all normal families, sometimes getting out the door to school can be a big pain in the ass.

Especially when you have a defiant four year old on your hands...

So... we had one bad day, of course it was the only day of the year that Husband had off and was taking Boyfriend to school.

I swear he is a different kid when it is just me.

Anyway, Boyfriend was super fresh and rude and mean to his sister one day, and I was thiiiiis close to not taking his picture but... Husband, bless his heart... he knew I would regret it.

So we kinda coaxed him towards his picture taking spot, and I just snapped a shot as fast as I could.

It's obviously the one where he is standing sideways, wearing a soccer ball shirt, and looks like he wants to tell someone (me) to get the damn camera the Hell out of his face.


I'm happy I snapped the picture even though we were having a tough day.

This project has become part of our morning routine and I really think he will remember doing this and make fun of me about it when he is older.

I have my first conference with his teacher in two weeks and I can't even wait to pick her brain... seriously, I am considering bringing her a bottle of wine.

Maybe get her drunk so she will really tell me the goods on my boy??

I'm still kinda new to this conferences thing, I only had one last year so I don't actually know the rules... do you think it's frowned upon to get the teacher hammered so she tells you the truth??

Probably not, right?

11/20/13

My Bull

Yesterday, in our home town (not the one we currently live in, but the one we were raised in)... a bull got loose... somehow, some way.

And that bull, caused such a ruckus... the Police Department and the Zoo and easily fifteen plus people tried to corner and capture that bull so it didn't cause any harm to himself or others.

I didn't really think much about this bull when I read this on the News... I mean, it was weird as Hell... but it didn't affect me much.

Until today, when my own bull got loose.

My freaking daughter.

Man that kid is making me age so damn fast.

There I was, putting my groceries on the conveyor belt at the Grocery Store, with my Girlfriend sitting in the car cart.

I'm just minding my own business, milk, eggs, bread... scan, scan, scan...

When I got that feeling that I was being watched.

I look to my right and there are like six people laughing and staring in my direction.

No one says anything so I just follow their gaze and realize that they are laughing at my Girlfriend... who has somehow gotten out of the safety belt in the car cart... and is now running free like a maniac through the Grocery Store.

Let me just state that for the record, we have an amazing Grocery Store that is nearly empty all the time, and these people that were laughing were actually store employees who see us shopping there numerous times a week.

So any of them could have kinda jumped in her path to stop her from running... but no one did!

They say it takes a village right??

Well fuck those fucking villagers cause as soon as I saw my Girlfriend running around the 15 foot long Thanksgiving display I threw my apples at the Check Out counter and took off after my Doll...

Who saw me coming and instantly ran in the opposite direction.

Okay, now are you picturing this? REALLY... ARE YOU??

I am 30 weeks pregnant and I am RUNNING after the fastest two year old alive, around a GINORMOUS display of Thanksgivingness...

I'm full on sprinting in circles around a giant fucking stack of Stove Top Stuffing, and I can't even SEE my Girlfriend on the other side cause the display is so damn tall...

But I can hear her, oh can I hear her...

That evil little troll laughing her head off at me as I am trying not to have a panic attack and/or DIE of an asthma attack because HELLO... I am out of shape and VERY PREGNANT.

Just when I think that this moment can't get any worse, Girlfriend runs in front of the IN door... and it opens...

And she runs out.

Thank GOD she couldn't get the second door, the one that actually leads out to the parking lot... opened.

I ran and grabbed her and put her in the top part of the cart and locked her in... I also held onto her arm, just in case she tried to Houdini me.

I  made her apologize to the Check Out lady... even though she was fucking useless and was all, "Ohhh isn't she cute?"

Yeh... cute... that's the adjective I was looking for.

Since Girlfriend doesn't give a shit about Time Outs, or losing toys... I told her she couldn't have a Pop Tart... which made her cry, so... I guess that worked??

I was really pissed all the way home at all those dumb workers who decided that the best way to help  a big pregnant lady with a crazy two year old was to point and laugh.

I mean, it wasn't their fault, but COME ON... if you see a toddler running towards a parking lot, you jump in front of them, right?!?

I mean... hello.... fifteen people in Connecticut tried to corner a bull yesterday.... but no one could corner my daughter and help a sista out?!?!?! NOT EVEN ONE PERSON!??


You're trying to tell me this kid doesn't look like a threat to others and herself??? COME ON!!!

Where is the Zoo Keeper with a kiddie tranquilizer when you need one!?

11/13/13

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law says that on the day that you accidentally drop your phone into a cup of water... and drive a mile before realizing it...

That is the day that your son will fall on the playground.

He will take a digger on a tricycle at school....

His teacher will call and leave you a voicemail with your baby boy screaming in the background, begging to come home....

But you won't get that voicemail... because you dropped your phone in a cup of water.

And when you get to school at dismissal time to pick up your Boyfriend, Murphy's Law says that the teacher will ask you in front of all of the other Mothers if you got her voicemail....

And when you say no and ask why... Murphy's Law says that she will say, "Oh... He fell and cut his face open, he was bleeding so he cried a lot, and kinda freaked out, but he's fine."

And then Murphy's Law will punch you in the face and make you feel like the worst Mom on the planet, even though you can see that your child is totally fine.

Because the ONE TIME that you don't have your phone on you... that is the day that your child gets hurt.

And is sad... and wishes you could be there to hug him.


Luckily, once we got home... and we were away from Murphy and his dumb fucking Laws... everything calmed down.

Boyfriend let me look at his cut, and even though it was still bleeding nine hours later... it really was fine, and he really didn't need stitches.

He was good as new once I gave him a big giant squeeze... the fruit roll up probably helped too if I'm going to be honest.

And even though the dumb phone sat in a bucket of rice all day long; it never dried out and is officially dead forever.

But that's okay because Husband, bless that man, he saved the day, once again.

He called and found out I was up for a free upgrade... bonus.

So .... everything ended up working out alright.

I even gave myself a Wife/Mom of the Day award... for tossing my phone into a bucket of water, making Husband take time out of work to call the phone company, and being MIA when my son was sad.

So... score on the award.

11/12/13

My Very Own Shadow

Getting stuff done with my Girlfriend around is nearly impossible.

She has no interest in TV and isn't big on playing by herself just yet... and ya'll know I can't let her out of my sight for five seconds.

We go to Playgroup and Reading Group and the Library and playdates and the park... but once in awhile... I need to spend some time at home, taking care of our house!

And the truth is, once we set foot in our house, all she wants to do is follow me around and eat random inedible things.

Which is totally fine, but... I need to get some stuff done if I'm going to be ready for this baby to show up in January, ya know??

A few weeks ago, thank the Lord, I found a loop hole to my Girlfriend's shadow-y business... and it IS WORKING.

Or should I say... she is working.

Turns out Girlfriend doesn't care what we are doing as long as we are doing it together... even, cleaning!!!

I wash... she dries.


I wipe down counters, and I give her a rag and she wipes down walls!!


I mop the floor, and then unplug the mop and let her pretend to mop too!


I sweep the floors and she LOVES to hold the dust pan and dump it herself in the trash.

She is Miss Independent and so so proud of herself for helping her Mama.


It is adorable and try as I might, sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing to squeeze her cause she is just too much... I seriously can't get enough of her.

Watching her mop... I die of cuteness overload. I die!

Plus... she is actually enjoying herself and asks everyday if it's time for us to clean together!!!

I know that this will probably be short lived... so I'm enjoying every second of the togetherness, and HELP!! while I can.

11/11/13

School Days Project Update

It is the almost the middle of November and my Boyfriend is still being such a good sport about me taking his picture every morning before school.

Luckily, school is only 3 days a week... so he doesn't get too bored of it.

This will be the only year of his life that this will happen, so I'm really trying to get him to stick it out.

Next year, I will 100% do this with my Girlfriend, who is often jealous and tries to stand with her brother for the pictures.


To be honest, I really wish I had taken her picture every morning before school too... even though she doesn't go to school... because she is the one who is changing really fast right now.

Plus some mornings she insists on choosing her own shoes, or shirt, or pants and she ends up looking like a crazy little unicorn.... it would have been nice to have a montage of that.

Case in point:


I know... what a ridiculous little lamb chop she is... she kills me.

It's gotten pretty chilly here lately so I just moved our pictures indoors... seriously, I have no idea why I didn't do this sooner.

Not because it's cold out (it is)... but because Boyfriend was kiiiinda over the whole picture before school thing when I was doing it outside.

Everyday I was kinda sort begging him, or acting like a clown to get any sort of reaction at all.

But moving indoors has made all the difference.

Boyfriend is super duper excited and happy and goes and stands right in his spot every day before school, willingly, without being asked!

I also started using my real camera since we are inside, and I think he likes that something other than a phone is being pointed at him.

I think the kids hate phones... as they should, ya know?

So here is our updated school days project... which will definitely without question... become a book at the end of the year.

One that I will keep in my pocket and cry into when Boyfriend goes to Kindergarten next year.

Uggghhhh... hate that K-word.

I want to keep him like this forever!



And.... because a few people have asked... no, I don't dress him up on days that he doesn't have school.

Not really.

He wears regular t-shirts with cartoon characters on them on off days.

Or if they ask, I'll pull a page out of my Mom's handbook and let them just pick out their own clothes and wear whatever the Heck they want.

Which explains days like this:


Yikes.



11/8/13

When Life Bites Back

If you've been reading for awhile, you know that my Girlfriend is "that kid," that puts everything into her mouth.

I have called Poison Control for her more times than I'd like to admit...

She has put everything from tattoos, to a dog's ear, to Hand Sanitizer in her mouth... and for a little while there, she actually enjoyed eating deodorant.

I know.

So... the other day... it finally happened....

Wait, let me back up.... and say... don't judge me.

This freakin' kid has been giving me a panic attack on the daily since she was born.

So don't get all huffy when I say that, the other day, when life finally bit back ... I couldn't help but laugh.

Once I knew that she was fine, I found this whole thing to be absolutely hysterical.


On this particular day, I had been putting DVDs on half.com (do you sell on there? it is so easy!)... and there was a giant stack of movies next to me that Girlfriend was playing with.

Everything was going just fine when out of nowhere, she starts to panic... like legit freak out.

Every mom knows their kid's panic cry and can tell the difference between, "I'm hurt," and "I'm hungry," and "I'm just being a brat."

This one was, "I'm hurt...." but it didn't sound like it usually does... it sounded kinda like... something was stuck in her mouth.

When I turned to look at her I realized that something wasn't stuck in her mouth... something was stuck ON her mouth.

Girlfriend had bitten the DVD case and the case had closed on her lip...

Which was hanging a good inch and a half below her mouth now, because the DVD was actually hanging off her face.

I can't even write those words without laughing.

She was fine and got the DVD case off her lip all by herself... which is good because I was no freaking help at all.

The kid was so busy flailing and scream / grunting, and the case was swinging back and forth...

There was really no way for me to jump in there and pull it off... so it's a good thing she handled that shit on her own.

And now, finally, at almost 27 months old... we can start a list of things that she will not put into her mouth ever again.

Number One... DVD cases.

And just cause she makes me laugh... here she is throwin' it back to Montel Williams in the 90's...

video




11/7/13

You Know You're In You're Third Trimester When...

The other day I was walking through Home Depot with Husband and Girlfriend and I caught a man looking at my stomach.

I figured he was probably thinking, "Woah, holy beach ball woman..." and didn't really give it a second thought.

And then I got home, and  caught a glimpse of myself in full length mirror and saw the giant peanut butter smear... thick and fully edible, not mushed in at all... on the front of my shirt.

If it hadn't been hiding beneath my massive boobs... I might have noticed it..

But right now when I look down, all I see are giant boobs and nothing else sooo... if something lands on my belly, it's pretty much there for life.

Which is what inspired me to make this 3rd trimester list... and here we go.

You Know You're In You're Third Trimester When:

- More food lands on your stomach than in your mouth.

- Your pants stop at your bra.

- Your bra starts at your neck.

- Getting out of bed makes you feel like a sea turtle stuck on it's back.

- Moving in general makes you feel like a sea turtle stuck on it's back.

- Putting on shoes pretty much sucks.

- Socks suck too.

- People say douchey things like, "Wow! Are you sure there aren't two in there?"

- People suck.

- You wish that it was socially acceptable to just pee in bed... instead of walking to the bathroom 17 times a night.

- You take a deep breath and then throw yourself out of bed before walking to the bathroom 17 times a night.

- You named your heating pad and tell it you love it before bed every night

- You drop something on the floor and you're like... "How bad do I really need to pick that shit up??"

I could go on forever.....
 
**Disclaimer: I loved being pregnant with Boyfriend and Girlfriend and never felt sick or tired for one single day throughout either pregnancy. Being pregnant with #3, while taking care of #1, and #2... is where I will finally admit that being pregnant is hard work... and that all pregnancies are different. I am more tired now than I have ever been in my entire life... which is probably because I have a maniac two year old and a four year old to chase after... not because this baby is anymore work than the other two were. 




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Halloween Photo Dump

We had your typical suburban Halloween again this year.... not that I'm complaining!!

We went out super duper early with the kids (5:15ish), and made it four houses before Girlfriend sat down on some random lady's front steps and had a lollipop.


We walked around the whole block and the kids are now on their way to Cavity-Ville.


Boyfriend was a "blue Ninja," as he called himself, and Girlfriend was a Minnie Mouse cheerleader.


Except she refused to wear the ears out of the house... and she wouldn't carry the pom-poms... but it's fine... that nose... I die.


I got a $4 t-shirt on clearance at Target and had Husband draw some Hulk abs on my baby bump.

We had the Hulk mask and I borrowed the fists from one of Boyfriend's friends to complete my Mama Hulk look.


I told Husband to find his Captain America shirt and threw a mask and a shield at him as we were walking out the door.

So we were Avenger parents, with a ninja, and a mouse... made no sense... but it was easy and the kids were thrilled to see us dressed up so... that's how we roll.


Our good friend and pseudo Aunt to the kids, Lulu (or YuYu as the kids call her), was here again this year for trick or treating and she graciously allowed Boyfriend to pick out her costume from our big dress up bin.


I miiight have swayed him towards this one... and she was happy to oblige.

Note to self:

Do not let good friend walk around the block looking ridiculous when you are 27 weeks pregnant... because you will probably pee in your pants a little bit every time you look at her.


We were home by 6:00 and the kids were thrilled to answer the door any time the "Bing Bell," rang.

We saw tons of great costumes and called it a night when Girlfriend went to bed (I maaayy have put a sign on the door that says if you ring this bell one more time I will cut you).

We live in the type of neighborhood where getting 200 trick or treaters is absolutely the norm, so we
spent $50 on candy and rationed it all night long for fear we would run out.

Boyfriend and Husband answered the door one last time at 8:15 and it must have been teenagers in non-costumes because Boyfriend came running in to tell me that he had seen "REAL YIVE GROWN UPS TRICK OR TREATING!"

Note to Tall Teenage Trick Or Treaters: I get it, hold on to your youth for as long as you can. BUT for the love of God... put on a costume!

Ohandplusalso... when a 4 year old calls you a "Real Yive Grown Up," it's time to just call it a day with the trick or treating deal, ya feel me??

Old trick or treaters aside, we had a fantastic night and the kids ate fifty pieces of candy before bed.

I would love to be that Mom that says, "Only two pieces!!," and actually means it... but I kinda just say, "Only two..." and then let them have ten.


I mean... it's freaking Halloween.

At least one of them unwrapped their candy and ate it with no problems... while the other one just shoved that shit wrapper and all right down their throat.

Care to guess who was who???


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