He Said / She Said

I accidentally turned off the hall light last night after putting Boyfriend to bed.

Him, (yelling from his bed): "HEY!"

Me, (from the bottom of the stairs): "What?"

Him: "Turn on the Yight!!!!"

Me: "Oh, sorry Bud."

Him: "Turn it on!!!"

Me: "Okay, okay I'm coming."

Him: "Uh yeh, I'm gonna need you to keep the yight on. The dark is not for me."

Her: "Sing Mitsubishi spider, Mommy?"

Me: "What? (the frig are you talking about kid)"

Her: "Sing Mitsubishi spider, Mommy?"

Me: "Did you say sing Mitsubishi spider?"

Her: "Mommy! Sing!"

Me: "I don't know the words to that song, Baby."

Her (putting both hands together and starting to sing): "The Mitsubishi Spider went up the water spout....."

Me: "Ohhhhhhh. Itsy Bitsy!"

Her: "Yeh! Mitsubishi!"


Toilet Troubles


We are having toilet issues.

Our children are suddenly obsessed with shoving shit (not literally) down them.

Two weeks ago Boyfriend pushed two entire rolls of toilet paper all the way into the toilet.

This week, my Girlfriend... that sassy little thing....

She said, "I have to pee,"

So, I took her to the bathroom, where she promptly pushed me out the door, said, "Leave me alone, I do it myself..."

She shut the door (on my freaking foot) and locked it.

Did I mention she is NOT EVEN TWO?!

In a panic, I ran into the garage and rummaged through EVERY KIND OF NAIL AND SCREW ON EARTH... until I found one that I thought might pop the lock.

By the time I got back to the bathroom I heard water swishing.

I pretty much threw myself at the door and shoved that nail into the lock which Thank God popped just in time for me to see Girlfriend stirring the toilet like a cauldron... with the toilet brush in her hand.

Before I could reach her she saw me, panicked, flailed her arms and screamed, "No, I do it!"

No sooner were the words out of her mouth when she flung the toilet brush from inside the toilet and aimed it up onto the ceiling...

I heard a splat.

And looked up to see soaking wet toilet paper stuck to my ceiling and dripping disgusting toilet water onto my Girlfriend's face.

She was still holding the toilet brush and blinking at me as the water drip, drip, dripped onto her.

At this point I kinda weighed my options as to how I could handle the situation...

And I pretty much decided that because Girlfriend was armed with a disgusting weapon (the toilet brush) and I had nothing to defend myself against her inevitably flinging it in my face....

It would just be best to pick my battles, and this wouldn't be one of them.

So, I picked up my adorable, drippy, dirty daughter... and carried her to the shower.

Along the way I grabbed my adorable, not disgusting son, and put him in there too.

I threw myself in for good measure because Lord knows what kinda germs were dripping off Girlfriend's head.

I eventually went back to the bathroom and scrubbed it down, and plucked sopping wet toilet paper off the ceiling.

One full hour and half a bottle of bleach later... the bathroom is now a toilet brush and toilet paper free zone... so if you come visit, make sure you ask for some before you head in to do your thing.

Fair warning.


Firmoo Giveaway!!

I couldn't resist starting the week off with this freaking awesome Giveaway... this is the type of Giveaway that I would love to win.

How does two pairs of free glasses sound?? For TWO WINNERS??


Firmoo is the World's Most Popular Online Eyeglasses Store. They offer top quality products at ridiculously affordable prices... hello, they start at $8.00!!!!

It gets better.... Firmoo offers a First Pair Free Program requiring you to pay only shipping for your first pair of glasses.  I know.

Plus, if you hate them, you can return them NO PROBLEM.

Awesome, right? Sounds too good to be true, but I swear it's not!!

And now for the Giveaway goods... I mentioned two pairs of free glasses, didn't I???

I did!

Firmoo is offering TWO lucky winners TWO PAIRS OF FREE GLASSES from their Classic Series.

I know. Glasses are expensive... so what a deal! Right?!

All of their eyeglasses include 1.50 single vision lenses and sunglasses include zero-powered lenses.

Even if you don't win, these glasses are almost too cheap to pass up... even for someone as stingy as me.

My first choice would be something kinda funky and totally unlike me... like these:

And if you have perfect vision and you're thinking who cares about free glasses....

Not so fast you perfect eyed wonder... this Giveaway still pertains to you!!

Because Firmoo also has non-prescription sunglasses!!

I like these:

But who am I kidding, I'd wear just about anything that someone gave me for free... I have no shame (I'm pretty sure you lose that when you become a Mom).

For your chance to win two pairs of free glasses, visit Firmoo and tell me which Classic Series pair would be your first choice if you were the winner!! For more chances to win, use the Rafflecopter below!

Good Luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Fine Print: Winners must pay for their own shipping.
PS. This is crazy but if 40 people enter this Giveaway, Firmoo will actually give a third winner one pair of glasses free, and shipping is ON THEM.

PPS. Be sure to check Firmoo's delivery and shipping options... they ship outside the US!!


Coming Out On The Other Side

So I mentioned once or twice that going away for the Fourth of July really effed up our schedule and discipline around here.

Well, after two LONG, INCREDIBLY HARD weeks... I am happy to say that Boyfriend has come out on the other side of the temper tantrum, rude, obnoxious, fresh child act.

Thank You Jeeee-Zus!

I can honestly say that since we got home on July 5th... parenting has been harder for me than ever before.

Boyfriend was spoiled rotten on vacation, and anything Husband and I said was instantly ignored because there were other adults to take his side, and give him what he wanted.

Since being home, there was no other way to handle the situation than to be a helicopter Mom, constantly hovering... that is there for every move, every minute... you name it.

One night, after three hours of trying to get Boyfriend into bed, I gave up... and said, "If you have to poop, take yourself to the bathroom, wipe your own butt, and put yourself back in bed."

It was 11 pm when he shoved two entire rolls of toilet paper down the toilet.

That's how it went for two weeks... acting out, demanding attention, yelling at Husband and I.

It was awful.

And his behavior was reeking havoc in our home... we were all exhausted, and short tempered... it was freaking rough for awhile there.

But then Husband went away for a week for work, and Boyfriend, amazingly, calmed down...

He had my undivided attention, and I worked on nothing else except getting him back on track.

It took a little give and take on both ends... he had to calm down, and so did I.

At the end of two weeks I was a frantic lunatic... but the second Husband went away I was able to focus on Boyfriend's behavior, and together we were able to push past the tough spots.

These days, he is helpful, kind, and understands that what I say goes... at least for now.

He is smiling a lot more, and Thank God for this one... he's sleeping again.

Knock on wood, our good boy seems to be back.

Of course, he is still four, and an older brother... so he terrorizes his sister and still wants everything to be about him...

But he is doing so much better, and enjoys being my little helper.

It is bittersweet to watch him grow into a real little person with feelings and opinions, and I know he will continue to challenge us every day of his life...

I had never seen Boyfriend have a temper tantrum before and I hope to never see one again.... once was enough.

My heart goes out to parents whose children have them regularly... andplusalso... HOW DO YOU FUNCTION??

Thankfully, the tough guy act was just a phase, and we are so so grateful.

Because there really is no right way to have a bad day, and all parents wonder if what they are doing today, will be the topic of conversation in therapy in twenty years.

Thankfully, we moved past this test with no battle wounds and only a few tears (from both him, and I...)

After many long nights, I am happy to pass my very best parenting tip on to anyone who might need it for a rainy day...

These past two weeks taught me two things:

1 - I (you) are the adult. Do not take orders from a child.

2- Four year olds are people too... and while they're feelings are valid, they should not dictate the way an entire household functions.

Andplusalso... tomorrow can always be better, if you let it.


If You Squint Maybe You'll See It

My Boyfriend's imagination is amazing.

It is one of the things about him that I love the most... it is just unreal, and so, so clever.

The way he will put on an outfit and see who he is in his own eyes, is just to die for adorable.

And he has been doing it for as long as I can remember.

I know he'll eventually stop, but I hope not too soon.

You probably haven't been reading long enough to remember when he put together this ensemble:

I know what you're thinking... "What the frig is that kid wearing?" Right??

Well, this was the height of our Fireman Sam phase, and he's a fireman.

You see a backwards bike helmet, a resistance band, and a water bottle, shoved down the back of some pajama pants.... that were apparently too small because they look like capris.

He sees a fire hat, a safety harness to help people down a ladder, and an oxygen tank on his back.

If you squint maybe you'll see it... or you'll just think that his imagination is adorable and off the chain like I do.

Fast forward 18 months, and he is still at it.

But now we are in our Power Rangers phase... and he's wearing this:

First off... Boyfriend hates having his picture taken these days (a sure sign that his blogger Mother has pointed the camera in his direction one too many times)...

....So you know he is damn proud of this outfit because he ASKED me to take this shot.

Plus, look at how he's standing... he thinks he looks cool for real.

Okay, the outfit.

He turned his pajama shorts inside out to have white pants.. like the Rangers that he loves this week wear (he changes it up with which series and season is the best... I know).

Sidenote: Netflix has EVERY KIND OF POWER RANGERS EVER SHOWN ON TV... it's kind of amazing.

He's got a single glove, a sword, some aviators, and a water balloon launcher on his back...

Plus the Power Rangers medals that I made for his birthday party.

I am actually not even sure what he sees this time with this get up...

But he was pretty damn punch me in the face cute struttin his stuff around the house in it.

My friends always say to me... "I know you want him to stay young forever, but really, it'd be weird if he was 15, dressing like a Power Ranger, and still saying his L's like Y's...."

And maybe they're right... maybe I dont want my high schooler dressing like a maniac and asking me for a "yittle bit of snack..."

But for today, tomorrow, and the rest of the foreseeable future...I am going to hang on to every single wonderful minute that this kid and his imagination allows me to enjoy.

They're only young once!!


Junior Monet Giveaway!

If you are a sucker for keepsakes made by your little one, then this Giveaway is for you.

Junior Monet takes your children's artwork, and puts it on pretty much anything you can think of; journals, mugs, ornaments, stickers, plates... even posters and i-phone cases!!

What a cool gift for those bragging grandparent's, huh?

Plus, Junior Monet isn't just for the every day shopper (I mean it is, but there's more) .... they do school (and other group) fundraisers too.

So if you're tired of buying magazines, or books (not knocking reading, but we have no less than 18 thousand children's books in this house) to support your child's class, this is a cool alternative, plus your group gets 30% of the net profits.

Not too shabby.

I don't know about you, but I would definitely rather force my family to buy something they are actually going to appreciate, like Greeting Cards hand drawn by Girlfriend...

...Instead of wrapping paper or something dumb like that. Just keeping it real.

It works like this:

- Have your child draw something amazing... or scribbly lines, whatever.
- Upload the timeless masterpiece to Junior Monet.... square images work best.
- Click around, find what looks amazing, and customize it with your child's name, age, weight, eye color... whatever floats your boat.
-Add it to your cart.
-Wait at the mailbox through sun, snow, sleet and rain... for your new family heirloom to arrive.

The cool thing is, if one of my little besties draws something amazing (like the chicken with balls), Junior Monet will give us a code specifically just for our little show stopper, and our family can go to their website and pick out what they like.

No order forms, no paper work.... yay!!

For your chance to win a $25 gift credit to check out Junior Monet for yourself, just fill out the Rafflecopter below!

Good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

PS... I wasn't perked or paid to do this Giveaway, I'm just doin' it cause I like ya.

PPS.... If you click the Junior Monet button all the way at the bottom of my right hand side bar and buy anything, I am an affiliate of theirs.. and might make 16 cents off your purchase. No pressure.



This exchange happened this morning in our kitchen....

Me: Girlfriend... you want some cheese??

Her: Yes... (reaches out hand for slice of chez)

Me: Good girl, eat it up, fill your belly.

Her: (tilts her head to the side, sizing me up quizzically) What?

Me: Fill your belly.

Her: (lifts shirt, slaps cheese on her belly button) Get in it. Get in it chez.

Me: (mentally folding up every single second of this cheese on the stomach encounter to keep in my pocket for seventy five years) Aww... no Doll.. you gotta eat it with your mouth, to fill your belly.

Her:(now yelling at her belly) Eat it Belly! Fill it! Get in it!

Me: (smiling... pulls out a chair, sits down, and gets comfortable... this could take a while)



Two weeks ago, Boyfriend was being miiiighty fresh....

So while he napped, I took away two giant garbage bags full of his favorite toys and costumes.

Guess who hasn't even noticed they are gone yet??

I know.

In his defense, we are not home a lot in the Summer, so he doesn't really see his toys much... but still FOURTEEN DAYS WITHOUT ALL OF HIS FAVORITE THINGS.... and he hasn't even asked ONCE where they went.

You know what this tells me??

That he, and we ... have too. much. shit.

So we decided that it was time to simplify.

As it was, Husband was probably spread too thin for too long... and this whole... "not even missing / missing toy revelation," just sealed the deal for us... it was time to scale back.

On things... and expenses.

I started by hiding a bunch of toys... like even some of Girlfriend's....

My plan is to pull them out in the Fall, and put new ones away.... essentially giving them have an ever rotating toy stash.

Husband got a work cell phone about a year ago, and had pretty much stopped using his personal phone altogether .... but we continued paying for it all along anyway.


So.... we got rid of his personal phone and now just pay for one cell phone... mine.

Then we realized that if we would just start using our COMPLETE HOME GYM in our basement... we could save ourselves MAJOR shuffling around action in the evenings (juggling the kids, and babysitters, and the half hour drive each way, was getting to be too much with Husband's work schedule)....

Add to that the bonus of saving $178 a month, and it only seemed right to freeze our membership for awhile, and try to save some cash.

Then... Husband got a company car.

Which meant we had his car, my car, and a company car in our driveway.

It made zero sense for us to pay two car payments, while a free car sat by and watched.

By process of elimination, it made the most sense to sell mine.



We haven't made any decisions that don't make complete sense... and we aren't doing this to be like those people that only use one trash bag a year...

We were just spread too thin, and being swallowed up by unnecessary THINGS and EXPENSES all around us.

So we've started purging, and cutting back...

We know that it's not forever, that we will buy a big ol' gas guzzling SUV in the Fall, and probably re-join the Gym in the winter when our Home Gym is freeeezing...

But for now, we are simplifying... and enjoying the way it is making us feel.


Brain Dump

I just have no time to love my blog in the summer...

Plus, who wants to with  all the sun, sand, sprinkler, snacks going on... ya know??

By the time I finally sit down my brain is so full of things to say, and pictures to post, that I just don't even nowhere to begin.

So in no particular order, here's what I got goin' on up here.... it's riveting, groundbreaking stuff, I promise.

Orr.... none of it is actually exciting at all, and is too short to write a whole post about so instead, I give you a long post about nothing.

Sorry I'm not sorry.

Sprinklers: We have five. No seriously... a whole hand's worth. They are all different, and good in their own way, but this giant beach ball one is awesome and it's my favorite.

The spray is not too harsh so the kids don't mind going in it and neither do I (when did hose water get so cold????).

They can also get close to it without getting a face full of water... Girlfriend kinda likes to run in and run away, and a lot of the other ones are so full blown water to your dome that she can't even get close to them without getting soaked.

Aside from the fact that I was thiiiis close to passing out when I blew it up, outside, in a heat wave...

I am a big fan, plus it only cost $13 at Wal-Mart.... if you're in the market, this one should be a contender.

Pet Stores: Um. We love them. They are air conditioned, and there is so much to look at.


My Girlfriend... aka... Dr. DooLittle would totally sleep there if I let her, I think she thinks it's actually Disney World, she loves it that much.

Boyfriend is definitley a pet store fan too... but not in the same "falling out of the cart to see parakeets" kind of way.

Such a great way to waste the day and see smiling happy faces, the trick is DO NOT BUY ANY PETS.

Couch Cleaning: My sister sent me this list of cleaning hacks last week, and I forwarded it to Husband who has suddenly become OBSESSED with couch and carpet stains (I think he's turning into his Mother, Hi Ann!).

We were particularly interested in the one that gets stains out of microfiber couches.

Rubbing alcohol?? Really??

Husband googled around and found out that your couch has to have a certain letter on the tag for this to work... and ours did.

Guys... it works AWESOME.

And then you thought... insert random picture of your clean couch then Lady... and I thought, well I've only got this one... but it's clean!!

If you are actually interested in this whole process, I will totally blog about it... but for now, I'll just let you google it yourself... it works great on every stain except water stains, which need to be wiped with a baby wipe and then blow dried.

Why do I know these things???

Ice: We are big on ice games right now...

Last summer I froze toys and let Boyfriend smash the ice with a meat mallet to "save," them.

"Frozen guys," as Boyfriend calls it, is still a favorite around here, and we do it about once a week or so these days.

Yesterday I decided to change this up a bit and dumped our entire ice bin into the kid's kiddy pool... have I mentioned it's hot here??

Next I gave them gave each a spoon, and a Tupperware bin.

Except I told them that the spoon was an ambulance, and the tupperware was their hospital.

The ice was Army guys.

This all seemed like a good idea to me when I spit it out quickly without giving it any thought whatsoever.

I was like... "Woooah lookatme thinking on my feet! My brain still works!"

And then Boyfriend was like...

"Hey Mom... what happened to the Army guys?? Why do they need to go to the Hospital??"

And my brain brakes instantly froze...

Duh woman... who the eff tells kids that Army guys need to go to the Hospital??

Ya just never know what kids will take literally, right??

Can't an old lady just make up a story any more??
All was right in the world when I explained that the Army guys were tired from taking care of our country for so long... and needed a rest in a nice bed.

Boyfriend seemed satisfied and happy to hear that Army guys need naps after a hard day's work, and went about his ice removal no problem.

I am surprised and pleased to say that he has asked to play this game every day since... happy is the Mom with easy to please kids.

Brain Dump over.


Vacay / Social Detox

Two weeks ago we went on vacation.


We stayed with our family and friends at my parent's beautiful cabin in Maine... on a lake we have been visiting for 26-ish years (I'm old).

We went on seventeen hundred golf cart rides through the trails near their house, swam until we were pruney, and did the usual 4th of July fireworks, good food and boat rides bit.

It was relaxing during the day, and terrible at night, thanks to Boyfriend... who took upwards of FOUR HOURS to fall asleep and cut the bull shit every night.

I pretty much wore the floors in my parents home out from walking back and forth to his room 100 times every night when he had to pee / poop / get a drink / eat chicken / read a book / fix the light / fix the door / fix his hair / fix his clothes..... sighhhhh.

That kid took annoying to a new level.... it's a good thing he can also be sweet and caring when he wants to be.

Both kids were over excited and so happy to be staying somewhere different and doing new fun things for a change.

They were perpetually happy explosions of eager flailing limbs... followed by two very exhausted parents.

And even though Girlfriend proved to be an excellent sleeper with no problems whatsoever in Maine... actually getting there, and home, was pure torture with her.

I know she is cute... but she is without a doubt, the worst road trip partner on Earth.

This is where I should insert a picture of her SCREAMING HER FREAKING HEAD OFF FOR THREE AND A HALF HOURS...

But, I was too busy crying to take any pictures.

It was not the least bit entertaining.

So, they both had their vices, and I think no family vacation is perfect.... but we had fun, and Boyfriend got over his fear of the water.

Girlfriend, true to her nature, jumped right in there and was fearless from Day One.

The lake was warm, the food was yummy, and the company was great... no fights, just smiling, slightly intoxicated faces and lots of laughs.

My brother and his friend put on their annual INSANE fireworks show.... which draws a huge crowd and makes so many people happy... it was totally worth the trip.

It was so great to get away for a few days, and even though the kids tried to torture us a bit while we were there... we really can't wait to go back.

Our phones died about five minutes after we got in the door and we didn't charge them all week long.

There was one single i-pad in the house, that I went on twice the whole week, for four minutes each time.

It was wonderful to unplug, and to have lots of never before seen pictures to put in this blog today.

 To not look down all the time, and to instead, practice what I preach and hold onto MY BABIES and not MY PHONE... was pretty damn liberating.

Coming from someone who has been regularly writing about her life for nearly three years... it was nice to not worry about what I was going to say that night when I broke out the computer.

To just take pictures of the moments as they happened, and not because they would fit well in a blog post.

It felt wonderful to spend time as a family; reconnecting, teaching, learning,  and exploring.

Husband and I spent a full ten minutes at the park laughing at the kids, as they laughed at each other, on opposite ends of those things that you can yell in to, that makes echos and loud noises.... kinda like the two cans on a string thing.

It was ridiculous, and I have no pictures to explain when I'm talking about.... but if I close my eyes I can hear them giggling together, and yelling, "Hey-yo?!! Hey-yo?!! Hey-yo?!! (Hello?! Hello?! Hello?!)" back and forth to one another, before breaking into the Power Rangers song.

It is something that I will keep in my heart, and not my phone.... forever.

I have no insight as to how to successfully travel with children, except that kids, especially ours, thrive on routine... and when you take them away from their norm, craziness and chaos is bound to ensue.

It happens.

I also have no real insight on a week of social detox, other than it was awesome, and I didn't miss it at all...

We already practice a, "No lap tops until dark," rule at our house... it kind of evolved without ever even discussing it.

We also don't use them on the weekend, at all... but a whole week of just family time and togetherness was new to us, and I kind of dug it.

I can't wait to do it again.

For real.

Sorry I'm not sorry, Blog... but you come second to a fun filled week of craziness and kids.


I Salute You

Husband's work schedule and travel goes in waves.

When he is gone for awhile, I have zero time to myself.... none.

Which means, blogging is on the bottom, bottom, bottom of the priority list.


It's also hard as Hell to parent a four year old and almost two year old ALONE.... for days.. WEEKS... on end.

At least, the type of parenting that I deem acceptable, is hard to do.

I am sure I could feed them junk and sit them in front of the TV all day...  but it's just not my way.

Sidenote: If plopping your kids in front of the TV with a carton of ice cream IS your way... I am not knocking you... women should stick together andplusalso... WHATEVER WORKS RIGHT??

But I myself... am all about keeping them busy.

Which means... I AM FREAKING EXHAUSTED when I do the single parenting thing for days on end.

I pretty much just collapse face first like a star fish into bed at night.

If you follow me on Instagram, you have probably seen a lot of what keeps us busy around here... if you don't here's a peak of what summer has been like for us:

See, told ya we are busy.

All that to say... I want to give a big shout out to the Stay At Home military parents out there, that do it alone for months on end.

And to other Stay At Home Mom's like me... whose spouse is traveling A LOT....

Actually, let me just give props to every single Mom ( and Dad) out there that is busting their ass for their kids without the much needed break that you deserve.

If you stay home.. then I salute you fellow crazy people who get no sleep, and make no money.

And if you work... I salute you too... even though I am jealous that you get a paycheck, because it has been a loooooong time since I've seen one of those.

Anyway, I am saluting you all and think you're all great...

If your toddler yelled at you today, or your three month old screamed in your face for no reason.... or your seven month old shit in your hand.... or your twenty two year old didn't call you back when they were supposed to, and they drank all your good wine, and left your car on Empty...

Then consider this a virtual hug just for you. Squueeeeeze.

You done good kid, and if no one else in the world tells you that other than me today... then let that be enough... because I got you, and I know... this shit is hard.

It's not an easy job, but at least for me... and I hope for you... every day is worth it.

Exhausting, hard, sometimes infuriating, sometimes wonderful.... but always, always, always worth it.


One Day

Today we went to Story Time at a new Library.

The whole story isn't really important but basically, libraries that do Story Time in the Children's Section work best for our family.

This means that while the Librarian is reading books, if a few kids aren't really interested, there are toys and books nearby that they can play with quietly while the rest of the class listens to a story and sings.

This works wonderful for the kids and I, because they are at such different levels, sometimes what interests Boyfriend doesn't interest Girlfriend, and vice versa.

Unfortunately, this new Library that I had heard so many great things about, did not run story time in the Children's Section, but in a classroom.

I'll skip to the dramatic parts, cause I know you're busy.

Girlfriend was all into the stories, and Boyfriend sat on my lap complaining.

It was a nightmare.

I am not giving you enough details to understand why, but just trust me... it was an embarrassing nightmare.

Boyfriend was acting like a rude, fresh 4 year old... and Girlfriend was acting like a peach.

We didn't make it the full hour (which is too long anyway if you ask me)... instead I had to sneak out a back Exit because I had Girlfriend in my arms and Boyfriend dragging me down to the ground.

Like any good pain in the butt child... when I said it was time to go, he wanted to stay.

There was a temper tantrum in the parking lot... and in the car.

There was screaming of how much he doesn't "Yike," his car seat, the road, the car, the building, the weather, the grass, the sky.... I stopped listening after awhile.

He has never really thrown tantrums in the past... and the two's weren't really so terrible for us.

But four... four is proving to be a challenge.

We were back home after a very dramatic and high stress Story Time by 10:45 in the morning.

Before even getting out of the car, I broke the news to Boyfriend that I thought he should lay down for awhile for quiet time in his room.

I explained that we all needed a break from each other for a little while, shockingly, he agreed.

I gave Girlfriend a bowl of popcorn and turned on Elmo before running Boyfriend upstairs for bed.

I was gone 2 minutes.

Which apparently, is all the time Girlfriend needs to cause trouble.

It took her 120 seconds to walk into the kitchen, push a little chair over to the counter, and grab a stick of butter.

Which she then rubbed from the top of her head, to the soles of her shoes.... after she was good and covered, she moved on to covering the floor.

Of course, I don't walk into the kitchen looking for butter, I just walk in like a normal person....

A normal person who instantly busts her ass .... because  tile plus butter equals slippery as Hell.

One day I will laugh at this... at the shenanigans that my children put me through, and at all the things that they did, just as they were supposed to at their age.

One day I will miss of all the nonsense, and I am sure I will even miss being exhausted from the constant chaos that is life with a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old.

But today.... today is not that day.


Potty Trained.

I can't even believe it, but my little Girlfriend has been completely potty trained for nearly three weeks.

I am so proud.

Especially because, she did it all on her own.

All I did was not get her dressed for three days when I had no car and was stuck at home anyway.

And she did the rest.

Eventually we ventured out to a park, and I brought the potty (I was that Mom) and harped on her endlessly to use it.... and she just kept running right past me.

She wanted nothing to do with pottying at the park.

To my surprise... she could hold it.

You see, now that I've potty trained both a boy (in five days) and a girl (in one day), I can tell you that it's true... not only do girls catch on faster... but they can.... HOLD IT.

While boys just piddle all day long in the beginning until they get tired of peeing on themselves... girls actually just hold it and go about their day.

Since I know someone will ask, Girlfriend was potty trained at 22 months, and Boyfriend at 25 months.... both were trained in June.

I tried unsuccessfully to potty train both kids in April (Boyfriend in 2011, and Girlfriend in 2013) and failed in large part, I believe, because it wasn't warm enough... and who wants to be running around with no pants on in the cold???

Potty training in the summer is the ONLY way for us.... the hotter, the sunnier, the more time outdoors... the better!!

Girlfriend is so proud of herself and loves to clap for all of us when we use the bathroom... potty training equals having your own built in cheerleader.

Speaking of cheerleading... she has been waking up DRY from nap and bed, so you better believe I am jumping up and down and screaming for her at the crack of dawn every day.

The end of buying diapers?? YES PLEASE!!

Sigh..... this just puts us one step closer to her not being a baby at all anymore.

Next up... getting rid of her crib.... when she's nineteen.


See Through Garage Organizing

When we bought our house our realtor was like, "Are you sure you want to look at a house with only a one car garage??"

And since we had never had a garage before, we had no clue why she was asking that because we were excited as Hell about any size garage.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Um... fast forward almost five years later and we understand why she asked that question...

Having kids, and a snow blower, and a lawn mower, and no place near the house for a shed, plus two tons of pellets for our Pellet Stove all in the garage... and there is no room for a car, let alone organization.

Plus, when you live in a freaking snow belt like we do, the last thing you want to do in the winter is hang out in the garage.

So opening the door and throwing shit in is pretty much norm around here from November - March.

Just being honest.

Not that I care much about tool organization, but at the end of a long cold winter, when I can't find the kites, the chalk, the bubbles....

It drives me insane.

Add to that the fact that my spray paint is usually all piled into one big mess of colors and nonsense, and I am legit twitching every time I looked at the garage door by April.

So April was three months ago and I just go around to handling my spray paint and kid necessity things in the garage.

For $10 I bought two over the door shoe holders, and hung them by the garage door to the house.

Now I can see what color spray paint I have on hand, plus I know where tons of stuff that we use and lose regularly lives!

Bubbles, chalk, packing tape, Krud Kutter, kites, even extra kite string!!

You name it... and I know where it lives!!!

And if you stay home with maniac toddlers all day long... then you know that knowing where ANYTHING is... is a pretty big deal.

Husband is famous for just going to Home Depot and buying what he needs for a project instead of checking first to see if we have it....

Just today he needed WD-40 and I said, "Oh look, here's two cans, don't go buy one!"

I love when I do something that actually works out, because Husband usually expects my ideas to be a flop.

Hopefully this cheap-o idea can help make your life easier too!



Fear is a crazy kind of animal.

Especially, I think, for Mothers.

Who, at least in my case, start viewing the world differently pretty much the second the pee stick shows two pink lines.

Before I had kids, I just lived like a normal human being, who rarely considered how precious life really is.

I mean, I wasn't like shooting heroin and dodging bullets or anything, but I just didn't think much about this crazy world we live in, and how dangerous or not dangerous the things I was doing really were.

And then I became a Mother.

And now I stay up late reading the News like someone punched me in the gut...

Like, this could be me, my kid, my husband, my mom, my cat, my...... you get the idea.

My Mother in Law says that this is normal Mom behavior, and that I will never stop worrying as long as I live... so, that's kind of comforting in a, "I will be crazy forever," kind of way. 

I pretty much wish my kids lived in a bubble, made of something that smells like babies and is soft like a bear.

Somewhere that only nice, happy, loving, well-intentioned people, who know how to make delicious chocolate chip cookies live.

Na' I mean???

When I think of the things that I have done in my life, that I should have been afraid of, but wasn't... it blows my freaking mind.

Take for example... that time I met a guy off line, or in College when I drank straight vodka out of a water bottle, and wore clothes that were so tiny that I'm not sure if it's even fair to call them clothes.

Or how about all those times that I got into a cab in New York City?!

With a man that had probably only been in America for 53 minutes, that didn't drive anywhere near the speed limit.

Who twerked the car in and out of traffic like he had to be somewhere ten minutes ago... who barely spoke English, and who frankly, didn't give a SHIT that I wasn't wearing my seat belt.


You wouldn't catch me in a cab today... no way in Hell.

Not without first wiping that thing down with sanitizing wipes, and asking the driver to pee in a cup... while wearing a bike helmet, elbow pads, and a life jacket... just in case.

I have no idea why I wasn't afraid then, but I am now.

You know what I fear even more than cabs in a crazy city filled with bad drivers???

This child.

This little, itty bitty, doll faced child... who climbs, and jumps and claws her way across the house and gives me a heart attack daily.

This gorgeous little lamb... who last week, was standing next to me on the porch, watching her brother run through the sprinkler in the yard.

When she ever so quietly climbed onto her quad, which was charging on the porch, put her foot on the gas, and drove it straight off the porch...

Flipped it onto herself...

And into a bush.


There's no way to say what I felt in that moment, watching my child fly off the porch, except that I was scared shitless... it's funny now, because she's fine, but then... it was horrifying.

Girlfriend was standing no more than ten inches from me when she climbed onto that quad... and as soon as her foot hit the pedal I knew what was about to happen.

But I was one step behind her, and couldn't stop her, or the quad from flying off the porch.

That one step haunts me... but, I am human, and it is impossible to be on top of them every second of the day.

Unless of course you live in a bubble that's soft like a bear and smells babies and dryer sheets.

She was fine, Thank God...

But the could haves, and almosts, and what ifs stayed with me for the rest of the day...

Granted, it's a child's quad... and she landed in a bush... but still... watching your child fly off a porch is not fun.

And so... the thing I fear the most in the world now, as a Mom.... is my crazy children, and all the days that I will be one step behind whatever shenanigans they are bound to get into.

Please tell me I'm not alone....

That you didn't wear your seat belt in a cab too... and that your kids are equally as terrifying...

There's room in my bubble if you'd like to join us... it smells really good, too.


Routine & Rocks

If you have been reading for awhile you know that I am a big stickler for keeping the Bugs on a routine.

Every day is the same... wake up, eat, out of the house or doing a project by 9:15 / 9:30.

Home by 12, lunch, nap at 1... up between 3 and 3:30, out the door or doing another project by 4:15... dinner at 6, TV, bath, bed.

It never changes... we function best when we are on a schedule, busy, and seeing new things.

Sure... I'd LOVE to have a full day of movies and laying around, and sometimes when it pours, we can get away with a morning or afternoon like that....

But the kids cant handle being inside for too long before they start to get fussy, fight, and tear shit off the walls.

No, really.

So last week, while my car was being fixed, I had to come up with a different idea every day for how to entertain them at home.

Of course, we have our swing set, and our sandbox, but they were itching for something new.

We had already played with play dough, done the sprinkler 50 times, played with our bucket of bubbles on the deck....

You name it we did it.

So I decided we would go on a rock hunt...

Yes, a rock hunt....

We got our boots and our buckets and hit the back yard in search of all different sizes of rocks...

True to their nature, the kids searched in different ways, for different things.

Girlfriend ran like a spaz, put every rock into her mouth and yelled, "COOKIE!!"

Boyfriend walked slower and looked more carefully for the biggest rocks he could find.

After we were done hunting and eating rocks, I broke out the paint.

Ahh yes, I had a plan past hunting... and it was painting.

Rock painting is hardly original, but entertaining all the same.

Who doesn't love to make a good mess, ya know??

I just laid down a drop cloth on the deck, put some paint on a plastic plate, handed out some brushes and sat back to relax and watched my little animals at work.

 Boyfriend took his rock painting very seriously, and didn't stray from the task at hand once.

And Girlfriend on the other hand.... well, it's no secret that she is a maniac.

When she was finally done painting herself, we headed straight for the sprinkler.... which killed another half hour and put us at lunch and nap time.

A perfectly free and wonderful morning full of chaos, messes, laughter, and of course, the occasional head butt and tears.

Don't knock the rock painting folks.... it gets the job done and keeps the kids (and Mom!) happy!!

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