5/28/13

Good Thing She's Cute

My Girlfriend has officially entered the annoying toddler stage.

I am hoping that this will go away as quickly as it started, because Holy Hell I forgot about this phase and Man... I did not miss it.

I know it's because even though she talks, she can't articulate exactly what she wants to say all the time, so when she gets frustrated she gets huffy and annoying but DAMN GINA... chill out!

I spent all day mentally writing this list as I walked around with a tiny human attached to my calves like a pair of too tight skinny jeans.

In case no one annoyed you today... or you miss your toddler annoying you... let me enlighten you as to how my child is acting these days.

I call this list:

Things That My Daughter Does To Drive Me Insane

1- "No!": What the frig kid... why are you screaming "No!" in my face... I don't understand, I just don't get it. Why are you jumping too? And how are you doing that so fast that you are barely leaving the ground?? Sit still, stand still...stop saying No... just stop it all and for the love of God... Stop jumping, stop jumping, stop jumping!!

2- Pulling On My Clothes: Why? Why are you hanging on me? And jumping! Why are you jumping again?! Stop yanking on my clothes! Just because it's from Target doesn't mean that you can hang on it like a zip line, you little monkey child!! Get the frig off me and stop yelling "No!"

3- Flailing Limbs: Alright... so you stopped jumping just long enough to throw yourself on the ground. Really, that is not becoming on anyone. What if I just up and threw myself on the ground and beat my fists and kicked my feet like I had ants in my pants. Ya see?? It is not a good look so GET OFF THE FLOOR! Or at least put on a microfiber shirt and flail yourself in the direction of those crumbs you dropped this morning.

4- Stiff as a Board: I am so proud that you are able to squeeze your butt tight enough to make yourself into a perfectly flat surface while I am trying to put you in your damn car seat... but just ONCE I would love it if I didn't have to karate chop you to get you to sit in your seat. Seriously woman... BEND.

5- Button, Button: For the Love of God kid... why are you eating the buttons off the remote?!! Stop bringing me the PAUSE button! I mean... I'm happy you haven't swallowed it yet, but how about you just don't eat it in the first place? Why do you have to eat it and then hand it to me like... "No yike it." What? You couldn't tell what it tasted like while you were nomming it OUT OF THE REMOTE IT WAS ATTACHED TO?? Who knew that ridding the house of small objects would include small objects that are apart of bigger objects!?!?

6- Screaming: I'm almost positive that you're screaming right now. I know this not because I can hear you, but because the dogs in the neighborhood are barking their faces off. You are on a different level with that scream and my ear drums are long since busted open and bleeding, but for the sake of all the puppies you love.. STOP SCREAMING. And don't do it in the car either, you little maniac. I'm driving as fast as I can and I can't drive over the car in front of me and the light is Red and I'M SORRRY JUST STOP SCREAMING IN SMALL SPACES WHERE I CAN'T HIDE FROM YOU.

7- The Poor Cat: Is not a horse, or a punching bag... and her fur is attached. You need to stop chasing her, pulling her tail, and launching yourself on top of her.

8- "What?": I know you can say, "What?" I know it's your favorite word. But can you learn a new one?? PLEASE?!?! I don't even have the sentence out and you are already, "WHAT WHAT WHAT-ing," my face off. I'm all... "If you'd just wait for me to finish what I'm saying, you wouldn't have to say 'What?' all the time, Sweetie..." And you're like: big brown eyes, blank stare, chew, chew, chew the 'PAUSE button like gum, deep breath: "What?"



Sighhh... good thing she's cute and I'm obsessed with everything about her, cause man... what a pain in the ass toddlers can be sometimes.

Plus... I could only think of 8 things, so that's gotta say something about my patience and parenting skills, right (fingers crossed)??

Interestingly enough... I wrote this about Lovebug driving me crazy when he was 20 months, and Girlfriend is 21 months...

So it seems like she is right on track for driving me insane.

 Looking back, I know for sure that I got a lot more worked up when Lovebug acted up, and now that my second child is doing it I can laugh about it and make silly lists that make me smile at the end of a long day.

Parenting is so much easier the second time through.... because you're conditioned to not care so much, not worry so much, and not put so much worth into every single move that they make.... kinda let them be kids, ya know??

So, aside from making a silly 8 bullet point list... I won't let it rent space in my head, and tomorrow will be another day of screaming and jumping and yanking and pulling...

I can't wait.

For real... cause for annoying as it is, it's also just a weee little bit entertaining to watch her go crazy.

3 comments :

  1. My two and a half year old is ALWAYS pulling on my clothes. And my nine month old screeches so high (when happy) that we actually got a bat in the house. I can totally relate.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I remember those days so well. It was more of an issue with her than with him. memories.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. 4- Stiff as a Board: I am so proud that you are able to squeeze your butt tight enough to make yourself into a perfectly flat surface while I am trying to put you in your damn car seat... but just ONCE I would love it if I didn't have to karate chop you to get you to sit in your seat. Seriously woman... BEND.

    Hahaha, I have so karate chopped my daughter to get her into the car seat.

    And I will do it again.

    ReplyDelete

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