Four years ago today, my first baby was born.

And I instantly became the person that I had always wanted to be... a mother.

I think when I first got pregnant I worried about having a newborn, and a toddler, and a baby who would put things into his mouth.

I thought about things like Proms, and College, and him finding a wife, and getting married one day.

But somehow... I forgot about the middle.

And that is what we are entering today... the middle... the childhood part.

The part with bikes, and soccer practice, and homework, and a second year of pre-school that ends with a poster board cap and gown... the part that includes Kindergarten, and bus rides, and field trips, and eventually... girls.

The no longer a baby, actually a full blown child, part.

I am excited and scared to take this journey with my little bestie... my sweet and loving son.

Who still calls me beautiful every single day of his life.

Who still climbs into bed with us every morning to snuggle, who would eat nothing but hot dogs every day if I'd let him.

My little boy whose eyes are so blue and so gorgeous that they make my stomach hurt... who is the most ticklish child to ever walk the Earth.

Who loves with a fierceness that makes his legs shake and his eyes squinty...

And who has grown into a tiny, defiant dictator, who would rather run the room, than watch it be run.

"Old age," has brought uncertainty and shyness in new places for my Boyfriend....

But give him a parade, a new baby, a kite in the sky, a ball in a net, a cake on a table, a good movie, a rainy day, or a hose to spray... and excitement pours out of him like a faucet... he gets it from his Mama.

He is articulate in his needs, and knows where every single toy he has ever owned is... even when they are thrown everywhere and look like a hot mess... Boyfriend knows what is where... it is insane.

His memory is ridiculous.

Currently, he wants to be an eye doctor with a "spoon over the eye," when he grows up.

I love to hear him talk about it. I never had any aspirations except to write, and be a Mom.

When Boyfriend watches Toy Story, he plays with Toy Story toys... and when he watches Ninja Turtles, only the Ninja Turtles can join... he is theme-y and biased like that.

His imagination is excellent, he plays by himself wonderfully and doesn't need to be entertained...

Except at 8 pm every night... when his be-witching hour strikes and he just. can't. control. his. energy. any. more.

We have tough days, as all parents and kids do...

He is testing the waters a little more every day... just the way he is supposed to be.

I hate it... but I understand it too.

I am so proud of the child that he is becoming, and the baby that he was.

He loves his family, aunts and uncles, and extended "more-like-family-than-friends," friends with such reckless abandon... he asks every morning who is coming to see us that day...

A born host who loves to party, he listens for the front door to open from the moment he opens his eyes.

I am sad, on this day that marks the birth of my baby four years ago, because I long for him to be that small baby again...

And I am happy because he is such a good boy... such a loving, happy, and silly child.... I am so blessed to know him, love him, and call him my own.

Happy Birthday Big Boy...

Sweet son, grandson, nephew, brother, and friend....

You mean the absolute world to us.


We've Got A Pusher...

In my experience, brothers push their sisters to do ridiculous things... and not the other way around.

I always assumed that Boyfriend would be bribing Girlfriend with cookies, as he pushed her off the tree house to see if she could fly, kinda thing (hypothetically speaking).

But in our house, as it turns out... it's actually the other way around.

My Boyfriend is much more timid than my Girlfriend when it comes to DANGER.

He is like me... he would rather sit back, weigh his options, and have someone else go first while he fret over just how dangerous that wobbly bridge at the playground really is.

Who installed it?

How much wobble is too much wobble??

Are there invisible alligators under there??

So when Boyfriend started avoiding the rock wall that all playgrounds have, I didn't think much of it.

It's just not his thing.... he would rather play baseball, basketball, or punch someone in the stomach.

Until one day when Girlfriend pushed him out of the way and scaled that wall in two seconds flat.

Got to the top and screamed down at her brother to do it too.

Oh the pressure.

And here's the kicker... she doesn't even do it right.

She's not like grabbing from side to side and getting up there in a calm manner...

No, she is just beasting her way up there with strength and craziness as her guide.

When Husband saw that he was like... Oh Hell No... Boyfriend needs to learn how to climb the damn wall... he can't have his sister pushing him to do things that he should already be doing.

And even though that is totally sexist thinking, Husband is a Man after all, and in his book, brother should be doing something before sister... plain and simple.

But Girlfriend is the clear and obvious "Pusher," around here... getting to the top of the rock wall and tapping her feet like... "Can't nobody take my pride... can't nobody hold me down... oh no... I got to keep on rock climbing!"

As far as I'm concerned, having a "Pusher," in the family is a good thing... cause it is definitely my fault that Boyfriend is so cautious.

So she's not only pushing him outside his comfort zone, she's pushing Husband and I too.

Which we both need because, hello, we have no idea what we are doing some days (real talk).

As long as she stops pushing us all out of our comfort zones before she becomes a teenager, I think we'll be in good shape.


Good Thing She's Cute

My Girlfriend has officially entered the annoying toddler stage.

I am hoping that this will go away as quickly as it started, because Holy Hell I forgot about this phase and Man... I did not miss it.

I know it's because even though she talks, she can't articulate exactly what she wants to say all the time, so when she gets frustrated she gets huffy and annoying but DAMN GINA... chill out!

I spent all day mentally writing this list as I walked around with a tiny human attached to my calves like a pair of too tight skinny jeans.

In case no one annoyed you today... or you miss your toddler annoying you... let me enlighten you as to how my child is acting these days.

I call this list:

Things That My Daughter Does To Drive Me Insane

1- "No!": What the frig kid... why are you screaming "No!" in my face... I don't understand, I just don't get it. Why are you jumping too? And how are you doing that so fast that you are barely leaving the ground?? Sit still, stand still...stop saying No... just stop it all and for the love of God... Stop jumping, stop jumping, stop jumping!!

2- Pulling On My Clothes: Why? Why are you hanging on me? And jumping! Why are you jumping again?! Stop yanking on my clothes! Just because it's from Target doesn't mean that you can hang on it like a zip line, you little monkey child!! Get the frig off me and stop yelling "No!"

3- Flailing Limbs: Alright... so you stopped jumping just long enough to throw yourself on the ground. Really, that is not becoming on anyone. What if I just up and threw myself on the ground and beat my fists and kicked my feet like I had ants in my pants. Ya see?? It is not a good look so GET OFF THE FLOOR! Or at least put on a microfiber shirt and flail yourself in the direction of those crumbs you dropped this morning.

4- Stiff as a Board: I am so proud that you are able to squeeze your butt tight enough to make yourself into a perfectly flat surface while I am trying to put you in your damn car seat... but just ONCE I would love it if I didn't have to karate chop you to get you to sit in your seat. Seriously woman... BEND.

5- Button, Button: For the Love of God kid... why are you eating the buttons off the remote?!! Stop bringing me the PAUSE button! I mean... I'm happy you haven't swallowed it yet, but how about you just don't eat it in the first place? Why do you have to eat it and then hand it to me like... "No yike it." What? You couldn't tell what it tasted like while you were nomming it OUT OF THE REMOTE IT WAS ATTACHED TO?? Who knew that ridding the house of small objects would include small objects that are apart of bigger objects!?!?

6- Screaming: I'm almost positive that you're screaming right now. I know this not because I can hear you, but because the dogs in the neighborhood are barking their faces off. You are on a different level with that scream and my ear drums are long since busted open and bleeding, but for the sake of all the puppies you love.. STOP SCREAMING. And don't do it in the car either, you little maniac. I'm driving as fast as I can and I can't drive over the car in front of me and the light is Red and I'M SORRRY JUST STOP SCREAMING IN SMALL SPACES WHERE I CAN'T HIDE FROM YOU.

7- The Poor Cat: Is not a horse, or a punching bag... and her fur is attached. You need to stop chasing her, pulling her tail, and launching yourself on top of her.

8- "What?": I know you can say, "What?" I know it's your favorite word. But can you learn a new one?? PLEASE?!?! I don't even have the sentence out and you are already, "WHAT WHAT WHAT-ing," my face off. I'm all... "If you'd just wait for me to finish what I'm saying, you wouldn't have to say 'What?' all the time, Sweetie..." And you're like: big brown eyes, blank stare, chew, chew, chew the 'PAUSE button like gum, deep breath: "What?"

Sighhh... good thing she's cute and I'm obsessed with everything about her, cause man... what a pain in the ass toddlers can be sometimes.

Plus... I could only think of 8 things, so that's gotta say something about my patience and parenting skills, right (fingers crossed)??

Interestingly enough... I wrote this about Lovebug driving me crazy when he was 20 months, and Girlfriend is 21 months...

So it seems like she is right on track for driving me insane.

 Looking back, I know for sure that I got a lot more worked up when Lovebug acted up, and now that my second child is doing it I can laugh about it and make silly lists that make me smile at the end of a long day.

Parenting is so much easier the second time through.... because you're conditioned to not care so much, not worry so much, and not put so much worth into every single move that they make.... kinda let them be kids, ya know??

So, aside from making a silly 8 bullet point list... I won't let it rent space in my head, and tomorrow will be another day of screaming and jumping and yanking and pulling...

I can't wait.

For real... cause for annoying as it is, it's also just a weee little bit entertaining to watch her go crazy.


Rainy Day

If you've been reading for awhile you know I love the rain.

Like a real, down pour, warm summer day, kind of rain.

I love to sleep in it, I love to watch movies in it, I love to hear it... and most of all...

I love to play in it.

Last week we had four days straight of nothing but delicious summer rain... I kept saying... "Shh, guys, quiet for just one second... listen, do you hear it??"

And they would actually stop what they were doing, and listen... it was pretty amazing because usually they only stop for candy or to poop (and sometimes not even then).

I think Boyfriend is starting to understand that there is something different about a rainy day.

We all move a little slower, are in less of a rush, kinda stick together in the same room under blankets...

And we do things like this... 

And really, what's better than that??

"Some people feel the rain, others just get wet."

-Bob Marley


Carrying My Babies

Our kids are knee deep in that, "Me too! Me too!" phase.

There is no laughing at one, and not laughing at the other...

There is no hugging one, and not the other...

Tickling, feeding, even WIPING (they poop at the same time... weird little genetic thing)... what you do for one, you do for the other.

And because they are children, they need it done INSTANTLY...like:


Patience is not a strong suit for our kids.

Their need to have things done immediately is why I began carrying them both at the same time.

It started with dancing in the kitchen; if I danced with one, I had to dance with the other..

It took a little maneuvering, but I finally figured out a way to have Lovebug climb into my arms after I was already holding Girlfriend, and we'd dance around, just the three of us.... except my two legs were doing all the work.

Once we got it down in the kitchen, the kids wanted me to carry them together in the yard, the driveway, running through the living room.... it's pretty much the norm now for me to have two giant babies in my arms.

Of course it doesn't last long (unless Girlfriend is in the Ergo), because kids are heavy, and squirmy, and slippery... but I love to hear them laugh and feel their little limbs flailing and holding onto me for dear life.

The Bugs are a constant in my face reminder of how quickly kids grow and change.

As far as I'm concerned, it's common sense and simple math...

The absolute shortest and fastest part of any person's life, is when they are a baby, and a toddler and a child.

Think about it... you're an adult for like... ever.

You're a teenager for less than a decade...

A certified "real" child from like 5-10...

A toddler from around 18 months to 4 years old...

And a baby... from birth to 18 months or so...

If you add my children into the math problem... all I see is two clocks ticking, ticking, ticking their way through toddler-hood so freaking fast.

I know for certain that the days when Lovebug wants me to carry him around at parades are limited.

I also know that eventually both kids are not only not going to want me to carry them... they're not going to want me to even freaking WALK with them.

I don't even care though... you watch I'll be that Mom that carries her kids around like little koala bears before their prom...

Oh that Mom doesn't exist??

Well she does now.

You laugh but if you know me you know I am dead serious about carrying a full grown Lovebug in a tuxedo like he's Roo and I'm Kanga.

It breaks my heart to think of my sometimes sweet, terrorist children not wanting to be around me when they become tweens.

And so... if my kids ask me to carry them on my freaking head like a damn fruit basket, you bet your ass I'm going to do it... or at least try.

I'm going to soak up every damn minute of their young gun-ness... I am not going to let one opportunity pass me by, even when they are driving me insane, if they ask me to pick them up and carry them on my feet while I walk on my hands...

I will try to do it...

And chances are, every so often... I might drop them on purpose...

Just so I can watch them get up, hold out their arms, and ask to be held again.



If I know anything about ((most)) three year olds, it is this:

Number One: More often than not they don't listen for shit.

Number Two: They love playing with the hose.

Combine the two and you've got yourself a super high water bill... and kids that are like.. "Ooops, I got wet... I need to take my clothes off and be nakkkkkked in the front yard, weee!"

Trust me. I know.

I was complaining about this to my friend Jen the other day, and she was all:

"Put the baby proofing door knob thing on there."


I have the smartest friends in the world.

Why didn't I think of that!??

The baby door knob thinger was the perfect solution to my water problems!

Side note; This just happened on my side of the screen:

 Spell check tells me that "thinger" is not a word... and I'm all, "Listen spell check... it's a word, if I say it's a word, bitch."

Anyway back to the THINGER (spellcheck, bitch)... it fit on the hose handle no problemo and I couldn't even contain my excitement tonight when I was playing outside with the kids.

I'm pretty sure I'm evil cause I was like laughing because my kids didn't even KNOW that I rigged up their hose playground and I just couldn't even wait for them to try to turn that knob.

When Lovebug eventually ran for the hose, I could hear the brakes in his little kid legs like ERRRRRRRTTTT.

His face was like: Hold the phone... what the....

And I was all... "Mwahhhhahaha."

I told him that the water man came during nap time and told me that the fish in the ocean were running out of water, and they looked into it and decided the water coming out of our hose actually belonged to the fish, and the fish would die if we used the hose too much.

Okay... so mayyyybe I overdid it with the fish dying... but it worked.

Thank God for that... because our front yard was starting to look like a circus with our plants drowning and our kids running around in their birthday suits...

Fingers crossed that our water bill will go down too!!

The thinger for the win!


Easy and Delicious Butter Cream Frosting

This recipe is artery clogging, button popping, finger licking good.

It also has no cleaning products in it (if you have no clue what I am talking about, read this).

My friend Jordo gave me this recipe, it originally came from her Mom, Lynn...

So I call this frosting:

Lynn's Likely To Give You Diabetes Buttercream Frosting

How's that for really selling it?

This stuff is seriously yummy, has only three ingredients, and is so easy to make that even I couldn't mess it up.

And, because I believe in second chances, I let my little gremlin daughter help me make this batch.

So here we go... the ingredients:

Number 1: Butter.

You can't have artery clogging frosting without some butter folks... so let's go ahead and use 3 sticks of unsalted butter, at room temperature.

Go ahead and toss those in your mixer (or use a hand mixer) and beat the hell out of 'em for 2 full minutes.

Because I am notorious for ignoring recipes and being mad when I fuck them up, I followed this one perfectly, and actually set the timer for 2 minutes while my Kitchen Aid mixer did all the beating work for me.

When the timer went off, the beaten butter looked like this:

 Of course Girlfriend wanted to try it...

I'm like... "What's it taste like?"

And she's like... "Butter."

You don't say?

Number 2: 1 lb (16 oz) of Confectioners' Sugar

After the butter is nice and whipped and frothy, add in the sugar a little at a time, slowly until it's blended and soft.

When all the sugar has been added to the butter it should look like this:

Minus the chubby baby hand, of course.

Number 3: Vanilla Extract

See how that little box says "PURE" Vanilla Extract??

Well, that basically means that it's organic, which means adding it to this recipe is pretty much like going to the gym.

So don't worry... you're good.

It actually doesn't matter if it's Pure or Imitation Vanilla Extract.... just add a half teaspoon to the butter / sugar combo and beat until it's mixed.

When it was all done we added some yellow food coloring to make the deliciousness look beautiful...

 It also got all over my fingers and made me look jaundice for three days...

And there you have it!

Delicious, frothy, gut busting, button popping, artery clogging, mouth watering, amazing, easy, delicious, butter cream frosting.

Just be sure not to add any cleaning products!!

Psstt... If you have a minute, please vote for us by clicking the link below and then the owl on the left. Your vote will help me bring you more cool Giveaways!! Thanks!
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Children Get Older

While my friends are getting pregnant and having their first babies, my first born is busy keeping his eye on the ball, karate chopping things like a Ninja Turtle, and finishing out his first year of Pre-School.


WTF KID... I thought we had a deal.

I hatch you... and you stay little and be my baby forever and ever, Amen.


Picture me crying in a river... just in the river... crying.. buckets.

How can this be?!?!

I swear he was just a newborn...

As a matter of fact, four years ago TODAY... my baby was due!

And then nine days later... he was born... and then I blinked, and we were here:


Picture me climbing out of the river, finding a rope, making a lasso (cause that would happen), throwing it around the Earth and digging my heels into the ground like... STOP TURNING YOU DAMN PLANET.


Make it stop.



The Besties Update

Before Girlfriend was born my mom kept reminding me of all the times my brother tried to kill me as a toddler.. it was terrifying.

Like I wasn't stressed enough about adding another person to our only child family...

Now I had to worry about whether or not Boyfriend would accidentally drop an exact-o knife into her knee. (That happened). (To me, not Girlfriend).

Fortunately for us... Boyfriend welcomed his sister into our home almost immediately and aside from asking me when her Mom was coming to pick her up and take her home... things have been pretty close to ideal ever since.

Of course, they fight and terrorize each other a couple times a day, I mean they are normal....

But more often than not they can be found side by side... causing trouble together.

We are so happy to be able to call these two a team.

And they are, a team, in every sense of the word.

Where he goes, she goes... what he does, she does.

When he's at school, she paces, and waits, and calls his name... even though he isn't around to answer her.

When she looks adorable, he tells her... when she says a new word, he's proud of her.

It is a wonderful friendship that I didn't push ... but I did pray for it.

I wanted so badly for Boyfriend to have a partner in crime, and even as they grow older, they continue to be two peas in a box pod.

It surprises me every day just how much they love each other... it is amazing.

And pretty freaking adorable too... if I do say so myself.

If you're out there expecting your second child and wondering how your first will feel about a new baby in the family... take it from me, a sibling is the best gift that we have ever given our children.

They are honestly lost without the other one.

They've been close for so long now that sometimes I have to remind myself that this isn't a phase... it's a friendship.

And it makes us so proud.

I knock on wood every day that things turned out so wonderful... because Lord knows it could be worse (I've got the scars to prove it... but don't worry, my brother loves me now... I think.)

I hope they stay this close for the rest of their lives...

They make my heart full and my eyes crinkle with happiness...

Plus it doesn't hurt that my mother was wrong, and it's always good when that happens.

Just sayin'.


Butter Cream Frosting Fail

Last week my friend Amy had her baby!

She welcome Jonah Cole into the world late on a Thursday night, and while she was push, push, pushing out a nearly 10 (!!) pound baby, the Bugs and I were making cupcakes.

I had high hopes of bringing a whole plate of baby blue deliciousness to the hospital so that Amy and Jonah could pass them out to visitors like... "Hey! Thanks for coming to my first birthday party! Have some yum!"

Unfortunately, when you have happy hooligans for children like I do... things don't always go as planned.

We made the cupcakes no problem, they were in the oven baking their little cupcake faces off when Girlfriend and I decided to whip up some AMMMMAZING home made butter cream frosting (recipe coming soon).

Not that I stuck my finger into the frosting, but I did... and this shit was good...

Like clogged my arteries and gave me diabetes in one bite good.

I know.

Anyway... we finished making the frosting and I unlocked the mixer top so that it was leaning back, with all that frosting goodness dripping down off the whisk.

Since I had no clue what was about to happen, I didn't take a picture of this... but a quick google search gave me the image below to kind of draw a picture for you.

Except imagine way more frothy delicious frosting puffed up all around the whisk looking so amazing and scrumptious that you want to stick your head into it.

So I turn my back to open the oven and get the cupcakes out, and my Girlfriend decides that since she can't stick her head into it... she will do the next best thing...

Stick the mop in it.

When I heard her say... "I stir... I stir..." I just knew I was going to turn around and see the mop, that had just been covered in Pine Sol a half hour earlier, all up in that frosting.

And it was.

Mother freaking effer.

Whose child mops frosting?

Mine. Mine does.

At this point I am so mad that I just want to say fuck nineteen times... really fast too... like the Micro Machine guy.

Because hello... number 1... that shit was delicious and number 2... poor Jonah can't give out Pine Sol cupcakes.

Since I knew that the frosting was amazing tasting, I decided to risk my life and see if it tasted like Pine Sol.

It did... it was still good, but very "the secret ingredient is mop," tasting.

Lucky for all of you... unlucky for me...  and Jonah... the frosting had to be trashed.

Which means I got to make an entirely NEW batch of the good stuff... with lots of pictures and no Pine Sol.

So some time next week I will post the recipe I used and you can get your hands on the easiest most delicious frosting recipe ever.

Until then... if you're looking for a moral to this story... I have decided that it is this...

Fuck mopping the floors.

It ruins everything.


End of the Year Class Picture

A few months ago, Lovebug's class had a super expensive photographer come in and take beautiful black and white pictures of the kids... he charged $27 for a 5 x 7.

I know.

We took the bait anyway because, hello, my child looked cute as hell in his first ever class picture.

The photographer also offered to take pictures of Girlfriend, who also looked cute as hell...

So, fifty four dollars later I had two pictures of the kids... pricey huh??

Anyway, Mr. Expensive and Talented Photog didn't stop there... he also wanted $27 for the class picture...

Which was just out of the damn question if you ask me.

I really wanted the picture, but not for twenty seven bucks.

So my friend Jen, who has taken some amazing pictures of the Bugs, offered to go in and take a year end picture of the kids, and have them blown up at CVS.

She even paid for all of them ($8) for the whole class.

What a doll right??

Anyway... when I saw the best shot she got, I was A) not surprised and B) wheezing because I couldn't stop laughing.

For real I was momentairly like... am I having a heart attack?

I know all preschoolers kinda look alike... so I'll give you a hint as to which one is him.

The one whose ass crack is showing.

This shot exceeded every expectation that I could have ever had for picture day, and is now hanging in the kitchen... right near the chicken balls.



Not The Best Day Ever After All

If Alanis Morrissette was to write a song about my day last Monday, she might say...

"It's like having the best day everrrr.... and then getting all your shit stoleennnn."

Okay, so maybe that doesn't flow off the tongue so well, but I'll be damned if it's not freaking Ironic... that I posted a picture of my dolls and wrote #bestdayever...

And at that same exact moment, someone was using my credit cards across town.


I am not one of those people that brags about having the best life ever... I'm big on being normal, and keeping it real, ya know?

But when I watched my kids and took pictures that day... it really did feel like the #bestdayever.

It didn't feel like I was bragging, it just felt real.

The sun was shining, the kids were throwing rocks... it was freaking GORGEOUS outside.

And then my phone rang... literally two minutes after I took and posted that #bestdayever picture.

It was Irony calling...

Apparently she has an 800 number, and I almost didn't answer.

Except I did.

And she said... Oh hey... this is the USAA fraud department... your credit card has been stolen.


Someone, who had no appreciation for the beautiful weather, opened my car door... which I had accidentally left unlocked... opened my wallet...stole every card except my license... and had a grand old time.

It took them 30 minutes to spend $1500.00.

I say "them," but after the police got survelliance footage we found out it was actually a woman.


Long story short, I sat with the cops for two and a half hours.

One of my friends stayed with me most of the day and I am forever in debt to her for putting her life on hold while I put the pieces of mine back together.

Because on days like that... on days that feel like the #bestdayever and end up being #fuckthisshit .... on days like that.... Husband is traveling for work.

Of course he is.

For the WEEK.

Which meant... I had no cards, no bank account, no TJ MAXX GIFT CARD WORTH $100... nothing.

No way to buy food, no way to pay for gas... NOTHING.

Luckily, my parents took us in (like they had a choice), bought me some gas, and paid for some allergy medicine for Boyfriend.

We stayed with them for nearly the whole week, and when I finally came home, Husband was waiting for me with open arms, a house full of food, and lots of nice things to say about how he will always keep us safe.


I am still waiting for my new check book and bank cards to come in the mail. #takeyourtime

The investigation is on going, and because credit card thieves aren't known for their smarts... the woman only shopped at big name stores (Home Depot, Bed Bath & Beyond, Wal-Mart to name a few...)...

Which means there is tons of video footage of her shopping in her big stupid sun hat, buying gift cards and WICKER FREAKING ROCKING CHAIRS.

At the end of the #bestdayever .... I was penniless, but tons of people had offered to help me.

And my children had been absolute ANGELS while I worked with the police.

I was bummed that I had been foolish enough to leave my car open, and annoyed that I had to make fifty seven phone calls to get my life back in order.

But it didn't end up being the worst day ever, because I got to see first hand that even though there are shitty people in the world, there are some really great and helpful ones too.

Plus, it's only money, and the banks will refund it... so we're all good.

Live, learn, lock your doors.

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