1/21/13

Ya Just Can't Make This Stuff Up

You know those stories your Mom tells you, about when you were little and you're like:

"Geez, parenting is freaking crazy... the weirdest shit happens."

Well, that would pertain to what happened here tonight.

Just as I was covering myself up and getting ready to turn on some trashy TV I heard a thump, and then footsteps from Lovebug's room.

"Mom? Mommmmm.... I'm gonna need you to come here for a minute please."

I sighed...  

"What do you need, Doll?" I asked, grumbling to myself, throwing off the blankets, and climbing out of bed.

"Well you see... " he began, calling down the hall to me....

"I shoved my super hero cape as far as I could down my throat...

And then I puked.

And it went EVERYWHERE. It is on my BLANKETS, MY CLOTHES, ANNNND MY FACE."

Apparently, there are two magic words that will make me run even when it is past my bedtime... and they are PUKE and EVERYWHERE.

It was after 5 pm 9 pm, so you know I wasn't wearing a bra..

Which means sprinting just should not happen (not for me, not for you, not for anyone) ...

But when you yell PUKE and EVERYWHERE... forget the bra... I ran like my ass was on fire.

I was at his door in 2 seconds flat (okay, maybe it was 3 seconds).

He was standing at his gate, with puke on his jammies, smiling at me.

"Mom... my cape does not fit down my throat. I tried to turn it into an airplane and then I puked everywhere."

"You what?" I asked... surveying the yak that was indeed, "everywhere".

The whole room smelled like vom.

I was trying not to gag.

"You tried to make your cape into an airplane by shoving it down your throat??" I asked... as if saying it out loud myself would make that sentence make sense.

"Yes Mom... You just don't understand," he sighed and shook his head at me, as he yanked off his pajama shirt and grabbed a book to read.

I looked at him, my eyes bugging out of my head, like...

REALLY, you're gonna play the parents don't understand card NOW? At 3 years old? When you just ate polyester!?

Kids are insane.

I grabbed the disgusting blankets and headed to the washing machine... wondering, seriously, is this real life?

I went back to Lovebug's room, made his bed and put him in some fresh jammies before tucking him in.

"Do you feel okay?" I asked... still not really understanding what the frig just happened.

"Yeh Mom... I feel great, how do you feel?"

"I feel good...but does your belly hurt? Because you puked, and sometimes when you puke, it's because your belly hurts."

"No Mom. My belly does not hurt. I puked because I put my cape in my mouth and tried to swallow it."

I laughed before handing him a toothbrush... his breath was 100% offending me it smelled so bad.

We had a few hugs and kisses, read a quick story, and then had a long talk about not eating our capes when we are supposed to be sleeping.

For real... what is with our kids and eating non-edible things??

I am starting to wonder if it's my cooking.

9 comments :

  1. lololololol I need to meet him. Stat.

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  2. Oh my gosh! I am glad he's okay....but man, things kids do..... LOL

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  3. Hahahahaha, you ALWAYS make me laugh.

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    1. Our life is ridiculous! If I didn't laugh I'd go insane!

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  4. OMG what the heck was he thinking?!

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  5. If this happened to me I would be freaking. I hate puke. It makes me scared and shaky. I'm going to be a great mom that way.
    BUTTTT, since it happened to you I could not stop laughing. Kids be crazy.

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  6. Hahaha Nessa! I can't wait until your girls start with vom stories too!

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  7. hahaha oh what a great story. He sounds to be very witty, a real ham i'm sure.

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  8. I hope my kid is at least HALF as weird as yours are, they are so damn entertaining and funny!

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