12/14/12

We Were Having A Moment...

Last week Girlfriend was sitting on my belly first thing in the morning, when she started semi-singing, "You are My Sunshine," with me.

It was such a MOMENT.


I died on the spot.

It was adorable, and so scrumptious with her bed head and rosey cheeks... I was instantly squeaky and over excited about it.

I poke Husband, "Hey... wake up! She is singing with me! Listen! We are having a moment!"

Of course he didn't move, and instead she farted, so the moment was brief to say the least.

She kept singing as I realized that it definitely wasn't a fart; it was actually a huge load... the Mother Load in fact.

I started pulling her jammies off while she rocked back and forth, laughing and squealing....

At this point we were still having a moment, but it was very smelly... and the air around us would have probably photographed foggy and brownish-green.

I was smiling at her and the quietness of the morning... of these rare times that I get her all to myself, with no outside forces around... it is times like this that she is actually calm, and not crazy.

No matter how bad she smelled, it was just us singing and playing, and it was perfect in it's own way.

I was mentally bubble wrapping this moment to put on my shelf of fragile memories in my brain, when she reached behind her into her diaper... which was within reach because her jammies were undone down to her waist.

And that is when... in typical Our Tiny Place fashion.. it all went to shit.

Girlfriend pulled her hand out of her diaper and wiped her cheek... leaving a line of shit from her nose to her ear.

I didn't even have a chance to jump, or scream, or wipe her face (notice that was the last idea to pop into my head), because she instantly took that dirty little paw and wiped it on my arm.

Awesome.

Now I'm gagging, and she is smearing the shit all over her face trying to get it off.

She was shrieking: "Mama! Mama!"

And I was shrieking back: "I can't look at you! I am going to barf if I look at you!"

I ran to the bathroom and stripped her down...

She instantly pulled more poop out of her pants and then grabbed hold of my calf to steady herself...

And now the poop is on my leg.

I am full blown gagging that I have shit on my legs, and my arms, and she's got it on her face...

So I just put her directly into the tub, where the poop starts to go down the drain, and she is squatting over it... pointing... and then...

She picks some up and I am shrieking at the top of my lungs swatting the crap out of her hand as she is bringing it to her nose to smell it... or her mouth to eat it...

It was definitely spaghetti squash that she apparently swallowed whole.

I know this because it looked exactly the same coming out as it did when I fed it to her the night before.

I can't take it...

I have lost all sense of responsible adult-ness.

"No! (gag) Do not eat that! (gag, gag) It is NOT spaghetti! (gag, gag, sweating, deep breaths, gag) It was inside your body!"

 Eventually I get the poop down the drain and the two of us clean...

I am aggravated now, annoyed that Husband is still sleeping, Girlfriend just wiped shit all over me, and I have to add "bleach every inch of the bathroom," to my To-Do list for the day.

I decide that this moment can best be used as a pity party for one...

I am debating putting that shitty diaper right on Husband's pillow, when Girlfriend climbs into my lap and starts singing again...

And just like that...the chaos is gone... and my moment is back.


Children have a way of bringing out the absolute best in every situation... if you'll let them.



**If this made you laugh, please consider sharing with a friend... I think we could all use a good laugh right about now.





5 comments :

  1. I am laughing so hard that I am crying. Nothing like poo to make a great story.

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    Replies
    1. Oh we've got tons of poo stories around here!! I often wonder if this is normal or do we have exceptionally foul smelling children?!

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  2. I just laughed so hard I literally had tears rolling down my *clean* cheeks! I am so glad my darling has never done this...yet! Poop in the bathrub but never has he wiped it on me or himself...and I am utterly thankful! Awesome story!

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  3. I just came across your blog tonight (230AM... YEP... ) and I just about did laughing reading your post. I think this happens to me at work more often than it does with my little ones... so I definitely feel your pain. I love the way you tell stories... I'll probably be a follower before 3. Haha.

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    Replies
    1. I don't know what you do for work but I hope you're not a lawyer or a chef or something!! Thanks for stopping by... I hope you'll stick around!

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