12/24/12

We Remember...

Like so many others in our state, we put candles on our doorstep on Christmas Eve.

My plan was to put out as many as I could find, off the top of my head I knew we had eight or nine... it wasn't the number really, just the act of lighting the candle that mattered.

But when Husband saw me climbing on the counters, and digging in the cabinets hunting for more... he surprised me by starting to search along with me.

It took awhile to come up with twenty-six candles... and it occurred to me again, sadly... just how many twenty-six really is.

Eventually, with the help of our every-day glasses, a diffuser, and even a citronella candle... we came up with one candle for every angel lost at Sandy Hook Elementary.

I have to admit, it looked a little crazy...

All the different heights and sizes...

Not to mention our front yard smelled like a Perfume Kiosk at the mall.

But there was beauty in the imperfection... something I couldn't have imagined when we were putting together our mish-mash of candles.

Healing comes in many shapes and sizes... it is not one size fits all....

Which is good, because our healing apparently comes in size, "Crazy Looking,"....

Our make shift memorial was pulled from all corners of our home... making it that much more special.

The more candles we lit, the more therapeutic the entire event became to Husband and I... we didn't speak much, really...

We just kept counting quietly to ourselves... and then calling out to the other...

"We need five more... four more..."

Twenty-six is such a big number... such. a. big. number.

Husband is a man of few words, but seeing him dig for candles let me know that this was helping his grief too.

As I write this, I have just finished snacking on Santa's cookies, and the reindeer's hot dogs (Lovebug and his hot dogs strike again)...

My mind is going to those families with extra presents stashed in closets; and lonely Christmas stockings by the fireplace.....

It is Christmas, but no matter how hard I try, my sadness still lingers.

I can't fathom the loss that these families have experienced... I can't believe their strength.

I am still sick to my stomach when I think about it for too long... and I know this; I am not alone.

In the great state of Connecticut; shock, sadness, and despair linger in the air of every conversation...
Newtown is in every room, in every home, at every Christmas party.

Lighting these candles was the very first step for me... and knowing that they are flickering in the wind on our front steps right this very minute, eases my heart and mind.

May we never forget how very fortunate we are...

May we appreciate our families, not just in the wake of a tragedy, but always.

May we pray for others to find strength, and peace, through memories of happier times.

May we be grateful, and respectful of our lives.

We reflect, we support, we pray...




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