Attention Elf on the Shelf Over Achievers:
While you are busy making tiny elf footprints in flour, re-arranging your children's drawers, making snow angels, and trashing your own house with candy cane wrappers...
Do you think you could help a sista out and give me a call at around 9 pm so I don't forget about moving that damn Elf??
If you have time to make a mess in your own North Pole, and then clean it up, and then make another mess... then you have time to call me.
COME ON. HELP ME OUT.
I am SICK of waking up in the middle of the night, because I forgot to move a fucking Elf!!
More than one morning in our house has started with me flying out of bed like:
"HOLY SHIT! WONKY WONK!"
Followed by me running down the stairs, intentionally knocking my son down so he has to stop and pick himself up off the floor... as I yell at him over my shoulder....
"You're fine! Get up! You're fine!"
Then I fly around the corner, slip on the wood floor in my socks, nearly break my face, grab the Elf and throw him across the room...
Watch him land on the top of the fridge just as Lovebug enters the kitchen like...
"Mom? You tripped me."
Ohplusalso... are we the ONLY ONES that have to have the Elf only in the top quarter of the room??
My children do not give A SHIT about Elf magic... and if we put that little bugger within reach, they will grab him and shake the crap out of him like...
"TELL ME YOUR CHRISTMAS SECRETS!! TELL THEM TO ME NOW!"
As long as we don't light the Elf on fire from hanging him on lights all winter long... we're good.