That Damn Elf

Attention Elf on the Shelf Over Achievers:

While you are busy making tiny elf footprints in flour, re-arranging your children's drawers, making snow angels, and trashing your own house with candy cane wrappers...

Do you think you could help a sista out and give me a call at around 9 pm so I don't forget about moving that damn Elf??

For real. 

If you have time to make a mess in your own North Pole, and then clean it up, and then make another mess... then you have time to call me.


I am SICK of waking up in the middle of the night, because I forgot to move a fucking Elf!!

More than one morning in our house has started with me flying out of bed like:


Followed by me running down the stairs, intentionally knocking my son down so he has to stop and pick himself up off the floor... as I yell at him over my shoulder.... 

"You're fine! Get up! You're fine!"

Then I fly around the corner, slip on the wood floor in my socks, nearly break my face, grab the Elf and throw him across the room...

Watch him land on the top of the fridge just as Lovebug enters the kitchen like...

"Mom? You tripped me."

Ohplusalso... are we the ONLY ONES that have to have the Elf only in the top quarter of the room??

My children do not give A SHIT about Elf magic... and if we put that little bugger within reach, they will grab him and shake the crap out of him like...


It's fine.

As long as we don't light the Elf on fire from hanging him on lights all winter long... we're good.


  1. Yeah so we won't really be starting until next year because I keep forgetting to move it. Oh and telling Aubrey to find it when she gets up.

    1. Give her another year and she'll be dragging your ass outta bed to find it at the ass crack of dawn!

  2. I'm dying laughing. Hahahahaha. My girl is too little for it, but I do plan on throwing an elf on the fridge next year! :)

  3. IM WITH YOU SISTER! I seriously can not seem to remember.

  4. Hilarious!!! We are going to start this tradition next year!

  5. I saw a cute elf location to spark your interest - a Facebook friend wrapped toilet paper around her tree once or twice (like garland) and had the elf sitting atop the tree with the toilet paper roll. Just an idea. Parents are busy enough as it is, they shouldn't feel pressured to move their elves every day. http://www.chezglaser.com

  6. I feel your pain! I am seemingly better this year about it ... but am not creative at all. And where in the book does it say he is naughty? He is there to make sure THEY aren't naughty!! This sums it up in my opinion ... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/05/overachieving-elf-on-the-shelf-mommies_n_2169392.html

  7. I feel your pain! I am seemingly better about remembering this year, but still. I am not creative with it at all, and why would I want it to make a mess that I am going to have to clean up?! This sums up my feelings on it pretty much ... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/05/overachieving-elf-on-the-shelf-mommies_n_2169392.html

  8. I snorted while reading this. SNORTED. Stop making me laugh, I sound like a damn fool.

    I don't think I could get on board with the Elf on a Shelf, though it's a cute idea. I just know I would be like you and forget to move it.

    If I do ever get one though I think I'll just put the damn thing outside my kids bedroom door holding a steak knife.

    That'll teach 'em to ever misbehave.

    1. I was hesitant too.. it felt kind of forced and almost manufactured the first year... but now that he is 3 the elf is the very first thing Lovebug asks for in the morning!

  9. I'm with you. And I share my one bedroom apartment with 3 year old twins. We don't have tons of space and I've already done all the up high places I can think of. Sigh.
    One night, I had just pulled out the sofa bed, when one of the boys came to sleep with me. I had not moved the elf. Crap. How to do it? I turned out the light, told him I was going to the bathroom, grabbed the elf as I went by and shoved him elsewhere, hoping he would a) be visible and b) not fall during the night.
    I don't get those who have the elf doing naughty things when for me the idea behind it is to keep the kids from being naughty. They don't need anyone else showing them new tricks.
    17 more days to find places for him where the kids cant reach but can still find him. I may need to buy new furniture just for that reason!

    1. I can imagine! I think it's time for our elf to have some repeat locations!


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