Yesterday that was my life.
Husband was right there with me for once... trying not to laugh as our kids cried (he was much better at that than me).
Questionable parenting skills at best.
Here's what happened:
Husband was working from home, so he needed absolute. complete. silence.
No birds, no wind, no vehicles in the road (not high maintenance at all).
So, I took both kids to the park where they played until about 15 minutes before nap time... which, if you have been reading for awhile, you know I am a Nap Nazi, and nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stop them from being in bed at precisely 1 pm everyday.
Anyway... with 15 minutes until nap time I'm like... fuck it, I'm going through the Drive Thru at Wendy's and giving these kids fries for lunch.
Mom of the Year... right here, thank you.
We get home, I set the kids up with their super healthy french fry lunch, leave the empty Wendy's bag on the table, and go into the kitchen to help Husband make lunch for us.
No more than two minutes go by and Lovebug is SCREAMING.
He is HYSTERICAL, like a crying, screaming, I just saw a lion!!! mess.
Mom's know their kid's screams based on how frantic / panicked they sound... let's just say this one fell under the SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME!! category.
Before I can even comprehend Lovebug's hystrerical-ness, Ladybug starts screaming too.
She is also hysterical.
Imagine someone have a full blown panic attack, and that's what was happening at our kitchen table... times two.
I sprint the ten feet from the stove to the table, round the corner and see Lovebug standing on his chair, his face COVERED in what I thought was blood.
I mean.. it was red... and what the Hell else could it be?
I left them alone with each other, and french fries. One kid at the table, one in the high chair.
I am looking at him trying to figure out what happened, what is even happening, and what the fuck is on his face and then...I saw the packet of ketchup.
The packet that I had not even noticed in what I thought was an empty bag... but someone else had noticed it.
Lovebug had squeezed that shit as hard as he could and it exploded all over his face.
Right in his right eye.
His entire face was covered, and it had scared him so badly, that he instantly burst into tears.
AND when Ladybug caught sight of her brother and saw the packet explode on his face (and felt stray drops land in her hair), she also instantly burst into tears.
Husband had entered the room no more than ten seconds behind me and also couldn't believe his eyes... it was all out screaming kid, ketchup mayhem.
As I was cleaning up Lovebug and trying to calm everyone down... I caught Husband's eye.
And as hard as I tried... I couldn't help letting a little laugh escape.
Come on... do you blame me??
After a long group hug in the kitchen, and repeatedly promising Lovebug that no ketchup packets will ever go near his face ever again as long as he lives... the kids seemed satisfied enough to pass out for naps... right on time.
And while they slept... Husband and I laughed at their expense.
Why have kids if you can't laugh behind their backs every once in awhile??