Girlfriend Convo

Today I was chatting with one of my Girlfriend's at the gym.

I was starting to tell her about all the cool things that have been happening ever since you guys started voting for me on Top Baby Blogs...

Me: You'll never believe what happened...

Her: What?

Me: Well... ever since I got high...

Her: (interrupting me) Wait.. what?! You got high!?

Me: (clearing my throat) ... Ever since I got high on the rankings of Top Baby Blogs...

Her: (disappointed) Oh... this conversation was more interesting when you were high.

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The Day She Fell

Last week I told you about the day Ladybug fell down the stairs.

Well... I actually told you how shitty I felt about the whole thing, but I didn't really tell you what happened.

First off... I am not just a crazy, lunatic, over dramatic woman... there is a reason I panicked as badly as I did.

The day before Ladybug fell, my sister told me a story about a baby that had very recently passed away as a result of falling down the stairs.

So of course, when I heard the thud... thud... thud of my daughter falling, I was a WRECK.

But let me back up... it happened like this:

The kids and I were playing in the basement, and getting ready to go for a walk.

I took Ladybug upstairs with me, and Lovebug said he'd be up in a minute.

When he came up, he didn't close the basement door behind him.

I didn't check, because he is very good about closing it.

My fault entirely... I am the adult.

Minutes later I was grabbing shorts for Lovebug in the next room, while the kids were sitting at the front door waiting to go for our walk.

Or... so I thought.

I was looking through the clean laundry when I heard Ladybug fall.

I ran faster than I ever have in my life, all the while thinking of that other baby...

My heart was instantly broken for how foolish I had been... I was petrified about what I'd find at the bottom of the stairs.

Truth is... I am still beating myself up over this whole thing.

But it is what happened next that eases the situation slightly... and dare I say... makes it a little tiny bit funny.

God bless my son for being such a little weirdo.... God bless his cute, foul mouth.

I picked up a screaming Ladybug, who lucky for us, is solid, and resilient.

She was scared, but not hurt.

She cried for only a minute... and I was a hysterical mess.

At the top of the stairs, Lovebug was looking down at the chaos.

Try as I might... I couldn't NOT yell at him.

I'm not proud of it, but it's what I did in a weak moment.


It was more of a hysterical Jessie Spano type squeal, than an actual accusation or scolding.

He looked down the stairs and me, and said very matter of factly: "Oh, okay. I'll cyose (close) it now."

A second later... his head popped through the cat door.

Ever the caring big brother... he yelled... "Mom! Is she okay??"

And before I could answer:

"Mom! She's got some balls, huh??"***

Under different circumstances, I would have pulled Lovebug aside and reminded him... again... that he can not speak an adult... that what he had said was inappropriate.

But just this once... I wiped my tears... had a really good laugh... and let it slide.

**In case you're wondering... "You've got some balls," is a line from Transformers...

Which Lovebug is not allowed to watch, but Husband let him do it just this once.

The funny thing about three year olds is that it only takes them just this once ... before they are dropping f-bombs and ball comments.

Oh yeh, when Lovebug laid eyes on Megan Fox for the first time.... he was all... "Dad. She's adorable." So, there's that.


Time Capsule... Part II

Sometimes I want to stick my head out the window and yell, "You Wish Our Friends Were Your Friends!"

But I never do, because, for starters, that's weird, and not really nice.

Plus, I made a deal with my neighbor the day we moved in that I would never give them a reason to have to call the cops... and hanging out the window is questionable on that front.

In any event, we have the greatest friends... I love them more than Double Stuffed Oreos and THAT is saying something.

They all went above and beyond for Ladybug's Time Capsule... especially the ones that gave her this:

I know.

How thoughtful is that???

Don't you think I should keep this Alex and Ani Ladybug bracelet for myself??

Just keep it safe for the next 17 years??

Good thing the Time Capsule box is Velcro...

I can just take that thing in and out whenever I'm feeling fancy... which for me means combing my hair, and making sure there is no food on my shirt (just keepin' it real).

My other favorite Time Capsule gift?? One that also may not ever get sealed into the box??

Sigh... this book.

I cried when I opened it.

It is chock full of photos from this little ol' blog here, and it tells Ladybug the story of the first year of her life.

The coolest part is that it is told by someone else's voice other than mine... it's nice to read things like, "You have the greatest parents ever."

And know that I didn't pay someone to write that.

Other things that are slowly but surely making their way into the Time Capsule are pearls from my parents (they gave them to my sister's and I on our 21st birthdays), and Facebook stock.

The last thing to go in before I close the box until the next time I steal the ladybug bracelet for good, will be Ladybug's monthly updates.

I thought it would be cool for her to read them when she turns 18, and has a big birthday dinner with all her friends.

I can just picture her wearing a turtle neck and talking about the importance of saving herself for marriage, or of becoming a Nun.

Who am I kidding... she will probably not read them at all, and instead laugh in my face, while making an origami beer bong out of them.

Oh well, it's the thought... right?


Time Capsule

If you read Ladybug's birthday party post, you saw that we made her a Time Capsule, to be opened on her 18th birthday.

This is something we did for Lovebug too, and it was such a cool project.

It all started way back in 2010 when a then 11 month old Lovebug and myself, were at Wal-Mart.

I stumbled onto a giant bin of Limited Edition Coke bottles.... kinda like these  but without the Holiday labels.

Anyway... I saw these bottles for a buck, and I got to thinking about all those people that collect Coke bottle stuff from way back when... and I thought... hey, maybe this will be worth something some day.

And then I looked at my teeny, tiny, Lovebug baby and said... "I'm gonna buy this for you!"

And then I handed it to him, and he threw it on the floor... or bounced it off my head... something of that nature that I can't remember correctly right now.

Long story short, we decided to ask Lovebug's 1st birthday party guests to bring an item for a Time Capsule for him..

Why yes he is wearing a Tuxedo t-shirt to his 1st birthday party.

Let me just say... his Time Capsule fucking rocked.

There is actually serious potential that that kid could make some money off that thing.

He got a ton of stuff from the Inaugural Game Day at the new Yankee Stadium... a Playboy... and a bunch of other stuff that I can't remember because I haven't looked at it in 2 years... but I know for sure... it's full of the good stuff.

Ladybug's Time Capsule on the other hand... is chock full of stuff that she will be like "WTF is this?" when she opens it in the year 2029....

Don't worry, both Time Capsules have a note from Mommy and Daddy outlining the Rules ( they must SPLIT the goods evenly with any and all siblings if anything is worth money).

Without further or due... I give you... Ladybug's Time Capsule:

((Side note: I love this box.))

What's in there??

All this craziness...

Let me break it down for you:

1. I stuck the banner that I made with Ladybug's monthly pictures in because I figured when she opens it in 17 years I can throw it up on the wall for a cool decoration. Yes, I am already thinking of how I'll decorate for her 18th birthday.

2. Girlfriend got 6 magazines...I have been trying to read them verrry carefully so that I wont crinkle any pages. They will eventually (ie.. when I'm done reading them) live in Zip-Lock bags to preserve them.

3. A dear friend of ours loved the story about Ladybug eating deodorant so much, that she bought her some for her Time Capsule. Also in that little corner is a koosh ball, a container of those weird grape juice drops (I don't know the name of them and I already re-packed the box, too lazy to look), and a Laffy Taffy blueberry lip gloss.

4. My Prom dress, and my favorite dress of all time... (besides my wedding dress, obvi).

 5. You can't really see it, but it's a package of mechanical pencils, which will probably be long gone by 2029.

6. A makeup bag from my Brother and Sister in Law with a $2 bill inside.

7. Number 7 is still wrapped but I believe it is a box of 2012 coins. I had no idea that you could buy something like this, buy my Father in Law did, and also put a box in Lovebug's Time Capsule too.

8. Iphone 3 with original box... she will prob be like... "OMG. THIS IS THE BIGGEST PHONE EVER!" when she opens it... and then go back to talking on her stick of gum phone.

9. A magnetic pad with the Lorax logo on it... made of Recyled paper.

10. Number 10 is kind of hiding, kind of on purpose. It is a stack of pictures of me working out pregnant with Ladybug. Some are scary to look at. Who knew boobs could even get that big?

11. Fake flowers... every girl loves flowers.

12. Fifty Shades of Grey. (I promised Husband I wouldn't steal it)

13. Lady Gaga and Reebok Crossfit bracelets.

And... because this is now the longest post ever, this is TO BE CONTINUED... so I can show you two things that aren't in the picture above, but are my favorite, favorite, favorite Time Capsule gifts.

You're dying to know what they are... aren't you?

Admit it... you're on the edge of your seat... amIright?

Wordy Wednesday

The kids and I are pretty much regulars at the Reservoir this time of year. 

It is just so beautiful!
Of course... I have no pictures of it, I mean.. you've all seen water...

But don't worry, I took pictures of the important stuff: us!
 Yes... Lovebug wore the Thor hat and carried a fake snake the whole time.

Right before we got in the car to head home, Lovebug picked up a pine cone and said:


Glad we've spent a small fortune on toys for this kid... pine cones... who knew??


Weekend Rewind

This past weekend, all we wanted to do was spend time together, but especially with this guy:

Who has been traveling way too much for his new job, but is finally sticking around Our Tiny Place, and the kiddos, and myself are pretty damn happy about it.

Hat tips, major props, and I am not-worthy-ness to the Military Mom's and Dad's out there who do it all by themselves regularly... I am in awe of your patience.

With Husband back where he belongs, we crammed a ton of family stuff into a weekend that as always, seemed too short, and too fast.

Like... ninety seven walks around the block. Of course.

And some serious pointing and starring at this guy, who was curled up in our backyard one morning...

Don't worry, this picture was shot zoomed all the way in... I wasn't like up in this fox's grill or anything.

We made blanket forts...

And apparently showed some shoulder like it was 1989.

We watched the J-E-T-S get a win, and Lovebug played football outside with his best friend ...

Ladybug got her first PONYTAIL EVER.

Then she slapped us in the face with the cuteness that is a toddler in feetie pajamas.

Seriously... a fat diapered booty, a drunken baby walk, and owl jammies??

I tried to remain calm.

No dice.

The girl slayed me.... I could not look away, and took a billion pictures instead.

 We rounded out the weekend with Lovebug spiking a super high fever...

So we've been nursing this sweet baby back to health... while keeping him away from his sister (easier said than done).

It is officially fall... and we can not wait for more long short, lazy, crazy weekends together.

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You Just Gotta Laugh...

That moment when your kids are crying and you wish you had a camera handy to capture all the nonsense that is going on right at that very second??


Yesterday that was my life.

Our life.

Husband was right there with me for once... trying not to laugh as our kids cried (he was much better at that than me).

Questionable parenting skills at best.

Here's what happened:

Husband was working from home, so he needed absolute. complete. silence.

No birds, no wind, no vehicles in the road (not high maintenance at all).

So, I took both kids to the park where they played until about 15 minutes before nap time... which, if you have been reading for awhile, you know I am a Nap Nazi, and nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stop them from being in bed at precisely 1 pm everyday.

Anyway... with 15 minutes until nap time I'm like... fuck it, I'm going through the Drive Thru at Wendy's and giving these kids fries for lunch.

Mom of the Year... right here, thank you.

We get home, I set the kids up with their super healthy french fry lunch, leave the empty Wendy's bag on the table, and go into the kitchen to help Husband make lunch for us.

No more than two minutes go by and Lovebug is SCREAMING.

He is HYSTERICAL, like a crying, screaming, I just saw a lion!!! mess.

Mom's know their kid's screams based on how frantic / panicked they sound... let's just say this one fell under the SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME!! category.

Before I can even comprehend Lovebug's hystrerical-ness, Ladybug starts screaming too.

She is also hysterical.

Imagine someone have a full blown panic attack, and that's what was happening at our kitchen table... times two.

I sprint the ten feet from the stove to the table, round the corner and see Lovebug standing on his chair, his face COVERED in what I thought was blood.

I mean.. it was red... and what the Hell else could it be?

I left them alone with each other, and french fries. One kid at the table, one in the high chair.

I am looking at him trying to figure out what happened, what is even happening, and what the fuck is on his face and then...I saw the packet of ketchup.

The packet that I had not even noticed in what I thought was an empty bag... but someone else had noticed it.

Lovebug had squeezed that shit as hard as he could and it exploded all over his face.

Right in his right eye.

His entire face was covered, and it had scared him so badly, that he instantly burst into tears.

AND when Ladybug caught sight of her brother and saw the packet explode on his face (and felt stray drops land in her hair), she also instantly burst into tears.

Husband had entered the room no more than ten seconds behind me and also couldn't believe his eyes... it was all out screaming kid, ketchup mayhem.

As I was cleaning up Lovebug and trying to calm everyone down... I caught Husband's eye.

And as hard as I tried... I couldn't help letting a little laugh escape.

Come on... do you blame me??

After a long group hug in the kitchen, and repeatedly promising Lovebug that no ketchup packets will ever go near his face ever again as long as he lives... the kids seemed satisfied enough to pass out for naps... right on time.

And while they slept... Husband and I laughed at their expense.

Why have kids if you can't laugh behind their backs every once in awhile??



Why I Love Pre-School

I never thought I'd say this... but I am so, so happy that I chose to put Lovebug in Pre-School.

Originally, I thought that I was doing it for him... to work on his social skills, make new friends, yada, yada.

But... if I'm going to be perfectly honest, now that he is in school and we have our little routine going... I think I secretly did it for me too.

I'm gonna go ahead and say it... I needed a break.

Three year olds are exhausting.

But now? With Pre-School in the mix... for two and a half hours a day, twice a week, I am a damn good Mom.

It is only then that I am 100% present, and focused ... and I am the parent that this girl deserves.

I am human, and I am honest... it is HARD to be everything to everyone with both of them around.

It is harder even, to be someone to myself, and to my husband.

My mind is in 100 places at once...

My brain works like this:

Start load of laundry, play with kids, realize toys are a total shit show un-organized mess, re-arrange toys, notice pull up bar, try to do pull ups while watching kids play with un-organized toys, Lovebug hands me toy that needs new batteries and asks to do pull ups, help Lovebug do pull ups, remember the toy with no batteries, look for new batteries, look for screwdriver to put new batteries into toy, smell Ladybug's butt while looking for screwdriver, change diaper, remember screw driver, check in junk drawer, realize junk drawer is messy, start cleaning junk drawer...

Annoying right?

I know... I live with it.

All day, everyday.

But for those two and a half hours, two days a week... I am the Mom that I was when I only had one child.

I am the Mom that Lovebug had all to himself for so long... the one that he still gets every so often on our "dates," when I take time out just for him.

My little Girlfriend has never really had me all to herself... but she deserves it all the same.

I want her to know and love that one on one attention (outside of the boob), she deserves it.

I am so happy to have a little Lovebug break... if only because it allows me the time, energy, and patience to pay attention to not. one. single. thing. except my Girlfriend.

She is a handful, so it's hard work to keep up with her... even sans the Big Bug.

But... I've got my running shoes on, and my helmet, knee pads, and mouth guard too... I'm ready for her.

Pre-School is letting me dive head first into just Mommyhood with my doll...

No cooking, no cleaning, no nothing... just my Girlfriend, and me.

Here's hoping she doesn't knock me down, or out... before I have to pick up Lovebug from school.


This Morning...

It was 6:30 this morning when a scream from down the hall woke me up.


I pulled the covers over my head, and squeezed my eyes shut... Come on dude it's not even 7 am.

"Mom! There is a BIRD IN MY ROOM!"

That did it.

I flew out of bed and down the hall to see Lovebug, standing at his gate, smiling.

I did not see a bird.

"No bird Mom, but I peed my bed."

Little shit is getting too smart for his own good.


Wordless Wednesday

I couldn't resist just one more pair of baby legs... come on, the strawberries??

Plus, they look like ladybugs without my glasses on.

Three cheers for being almost blind.

Don't forget you can save 10% on baby legs for your Cutie Pie by using coupon code FUNKY LEGS here.


Doing It Himself

In honor of his Godmother's/Aunt's birthday last week, we let Lovebug pick out presents for her all by himself.

We headed to the Dollar Store with a few dollars and a mission... let him do it alone.

That was it.

Admittedly, this mission was only hard for me, because he was pretty much shopping for himself at first.
If I hadn't stepped in and grabbed a few things out of the basket and tossed them over my shoulder, my sister would have gotten nothing but Avengers Puzzles and Water Bottles for her 27th birthday.

You're Welcome, Sister.

Aside from sneaking a few super heroes out of his basket, I let Lovebug totally do this thing... it was adorable to see how much thought he put into it, (after he figured out that the gifts weren't for him, anyway).

It took a long time... like, AN HOUR.

But it was really exciting for him to be able to pick out everything himself.

It was actually kinda cool to see him have a legit opinion on what she would and wouldn't like.

For example... I was super proud when he went for this little owl guy... yay, owl trend!

But when I told him I loved Mr. Owl, he instantly put it back and grabbed one of those scarecrows up above it... boo.

When all was said and done, what'd he end up buying you say??

I'm so glad you asked.

He bought this:

After laying all this goodness out for me to snap a picture, Little Man wrapped this crap stuff up all by himself (gift bag, tissue paper, callitaday)... and waited patiently for the birthday girl.

He could barely contain himself when she finally showed up.

It was so nice to see him on the opposite side of gifts for a change... to be the giver, not the receiver.

He loved it... and, of course... so did she.

We will 100% be doing this again, for every birthday that comes our way.

So get ready folks... the craps a comin'!

You know you've always wanted a glow in the dark ax.

The Weaned, The Snuggly, & The Weird

Ladybug is officially off the boob sauce.

I am of proud of her, and myself, for making it 12 months and 3 weeks... breast feeding is hard work.

Especially when we are talking about exclusive breast feeding, no bottles, no pumps, no formula.

It was a choice I made... and I am so happy to have stuck it out... even through the night's that she had me up nursing SIX TIMES... it was all worth it.

Truth be told, now that I am done nursing her... I want to rewind every minute of the last year, and watch closer, squeeze tighter, remember better.

It has been 8 days since Ladybug kicked her boob habit, and the only real change is that Girlfriend wants to hug, hug, hug anyone who comes in her path.


She throws herself on top of me, into my lap, at my feet...  just to get some skin to skin contact.

And if I'm not in reach... she corners her brother and hangs on for dear life.

Lucky for her... Lovebug is super patient and happy to hand out choke holds disguised as hugs any day.

Oh yeh... and then there's this... which just happened to start at the end of breast feeding.

Lovebug asks if he can, "Nurse," his sister, and pulls out the boppy...and asks for her on his lap...

Husband would probably put a stop to the shenanigans right there, but I'm like, "Sure!"

 And toss her on his lap...

Of course, no nursing goes on... just some cuddling, some lullabies; and a few good old fashioned bitch slaps for good measure.

When that little boy holds his sister in his arms and sings, "You Are My Sunshine,"... well, I don't care who you are, and how weird you think my kids are... that right there is adorable...

Weird... but adorable.


Weekend Rewind...

Lovebug's Godfather came to visit this past weekend weekend... and like everyone else who visits...
he came bearing gifts.

A new wagon, and a Captain America life jacket.

Ninety seven walks around the block later, and Lovebug is still wearing his life jacket...

Nothing like being buckled into a seat, wearing a mask AND life jacket...

Talk about being prepared!

Beating Myself Up

Having kids means accidents happen... right?

The reasonable, grown up, adult side of me knows and understands this... but the Mom part of me, wants nothing to do with accidents.

The Mom part of me wants so badly to just get the fuck through my children's childhoods without stitches, casts, and ER visits.

The Mom part of me... for whatever reason... associates accidents, with failure.

Now let me be clear... I am not judging your accidents. 

YOU are allowed to have accidents.

I would never judge a fellow Mom... but I do, unfortunately, judge the shit out of myself.

For me? Accidents equal failure.

On the job accidents... like when Girlfriend ate tattoos when I was standing no more than two feet away from her?


Or when she ate deodorant and I had to call Poison Control?


Or when she fell all the way down the basement stairs last Monday...




I am still so sad, and still hear the thud, thud, thud of her on the stairs every time I close my eyes.

I will skip to the ending... and tell you that she is just fine, and cried for no more than two minutes before tackling her brother to the ground... leaving me and my tears in the dust.

I know kids fall down the stairs all the time... just... not my kids.

I should have / could have / would have done things differently in hindsight... isn't that always the way it goes?

It's times like these, when I thank my lucky stars that Girlfriend is a meatball child, with a little extra padding all over... because she took those stairs like a champ.

It's times like these that I look at my dolls and remind myself... these things happen...

They are kids...

They are resilient....

And ...

As long as you are there with open, safe arms, to pick them up when they fall... then...

You. Have. Not. Failed.

Now if I could just get myself...to believe... myself.

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