8/28/12

Truth: I Worry

I've gotten a lot of things from my kids.

Weird shaped boobs, for one.

Also... love handles, tiny white stretch marks, a grey hair or two, I'm sure.

Definitely wrinkles... the occasional heart burn.

I mean, they have given me good things too; laugh lines, a full heart, endless squeezes and kisses.

Something else I got from them?

Anxiety.

And Mom guilt.

I worry... like, all the time.

I know that is apart of being a parent... but really, am I abusing the privilege??

I worry when Lovebug catches me hugging Ladybug, and vice versa, that one's feelings are hurt.

So then I go to the other one and hug them... and then back to the other one...

And pretty soon my freaking arms hurt from so much hugging, but I can't bear the thought of our kids ever feeling slighted, or left out.

So when you see me, and I look like Hulk Hogan... know I got these guns from excessive squeezing and hugging.

When I think back to all the reckless things I did in High School and College... I can not even believe I am the same person.

I had zero concept of consequences.

Now?

I am car seat anal, and playground anal, and don't-put-that-in-your-freaking-mouth-because-you-will- probably-get-the-Clap anal.

I know these are Mom things... but I stay up at night wondering... did I dance when they asked... was I believable in the role of Batman?

Did they eat enough broccoli? Are their teeth the right color??

Did I discipline too much? Not enough? Is he ever going to wipe his own ass??

I need to be clear about this...

I worry, but I'm not over bearing...

I want our kids to be who they were supposed to be... with no interference from me.


They are loud, they are messy, they show affection at the drop of a hat, and express themselves when they feel like it.

They are not judgmental... they do not care what kinds of toys other kids play with... they like all people, and think everyday is a party.

They are overly excitable, prefer their birthday suits to clothes, and celebrate Halloween almost daily.


Sometimes I can convince myself that I am giving them just the right balance between being a kid, and being cautious.

I have been the Mom of two kids for twelve months and twelve days... but I still worry that I just might be screwing these kids up pretty damn good.

I am not sure if I am doing any of this right, and I am so scared of that damn preschool teacher telling me all the ways I have messed up my kid's life... starting with telling him to be careful on the high slide.

I tell myself that worrying and Mom guilt come with being a good Mother... and that these things should be a part of my daily life...

I tell myself this... and hope that it's the truth...

...And that I'm not just some weirdo worrying nut-job... with a foul mouth, and kid's that hate shoes.

I hope that on your side of the computer, you're worrying too... about something dumb... just like me.

I hope I'm not the only one.

2 comments :

  1. You are seriously an inspirational mom: caring, worrying, and fun. I read your posts and have zero doubt that you are kicking butt and taking names at the motherhood role. Your kids are the kind that I hope I have one day soon.

    Though I'm child free, I spent my younger years raising children and learning about parenting styles. My mom was a worrier also. She was care-free until she had me, and then started the anxiety, the related stomach problems, the insomnia. She was also the best mom, I can't imagine that I'll be as good a mother as her, because she was so ENGAGED, invested in being my mom, and yes - it caused her to worry A LOT. You know, better than I do, that your worries are just a part of being a mom. You are amazing, your blog is amazing. :)

    Xx~ Sarah

    http://www.chezglaser.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thank you thank you. You said all the right things. Thank you.

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