I was raised to just do my thing, and accept others for who they are.... but sometimes, I just want to punch someone in the throat.
My blog is usually a bitch free zone, since 99% of what I write is written purely for my children to read and remember when they get older...
But you know what, by the time I let my kids read my blog (High Schoolish I'm thinking)... they will probably think I am a bitch anyway.
So screw it... I'm sucker punching everybody today.
And kids... if you are reading this, violence is never the answer.
1- The lady I saw at the park today, who let her kids (ages 4 & 5) out to play, while she sat on her phone in the car with the AC cranked up.
Play with your freaking kids.
Some people would kill to be able to chase their kids around a playground, or push them on the swings.
Andplusalso... your kids would be puddles of happiness if you'd get dirty with them.
Put your phone down and try it.
2- Same lady.
Yeh, you again.
I heard you tell your kids to buckle their seat belts... you made sure I heard it didn't you?
What you didn't know is that I am a Car Seat Nazi (not to be confused with my Nap Nazi self).
I know damn well your 4 year old daughter should be in some sort of booster seat.
Woman: Care more.
Safety first. Angry Birds second.
3- Speaking of car seats: DOES ANYONE READ THE FREAKING MANUAL?!
Anyone? How about you in the back? No? Does anyone at least look at the pictures??
People... and by people, I mean those of you who post pictures of your kids buckled all fucking wrong in their carseats on Facebook... Protect your kids!
Chest clips, go at arm-pit level... duh... chest clip!
It does not go at their belly button... it goes across their chest!
Plus.. for the love of God tighten those straps!
Carseats are made to protect our babies, but they can't work if you DON'T USE THEM CORRECTLY (ie: if you put it on the roof of your car, not a chance in Hell it is saving anyone's life.)
4- People who buy my children pop-up books before the age of 3.
You bought a 1 year old a big beautiful pop up book and now, two years later, when you come to visit you want to read it with him??
Sorry but that book with the gorgeous pictures... was long ago ripped to shreds.
The rabbit has no ears, the duck has no bill, and the sailboat is sinking because a toddler ate it.
5- The women out there who continuously, without fail, every single week, google "Can I Febreze my vagina?" and end up on my blog.
Seriously? For real?
I got 57 hits last week on that question alone.
Who are these 57 women, what happened to their vaginas, and why are they not googling, "NEAREST GYNO..." instead?
To be honest, if you need to Febreze your lady parts then you are having a bad enough day as it is, without me punching you in the neck.
Okay smelly vag ladies, you win.
But seriously... see a Doctor.
Alright... I apologize for the crazy-sucker-punching-everyone rant.
I now return you to your regularly schedule toddler shenanigans and cuteness.
|(Hiding from his sister, so she won't beat his ass again).|