6/3/12

Tough Love Sleep Training

Lovebug's sleep antics are nothing new around here.

He has been pulling sleep BS since he was a wee little lad, and for awhile there, I kind of just accepted it.

Not anymore... I. have. had. enough. e-fucking-nough.

Here's the thing.

I feel trapped.

We cant sleep ANYWHERE but home, if we expect Lovebug to sleep.

Let's take last night for example...

We stayed at my parent's house.

We put Lovebug to bed at 9 pm (a half hour later than his usual bedtime)... he was STILL AWAKE AT 12:30 am.

He was all... "I think I need a snack..." climbing out of bed, heading for the kitchen at midnight.

Is this kid for real???

Some people have kids that get tired. We don't.

Just like Husband, who is famous for staying up until 5 am when he drinks... Lovebug does not want to miss anything.

Lovebug wants to be the person closing the door saying, "Okay, drive safe, thanks for coming!"

He literally makes himself  hysterical over the very thought of missing out on something.

Me on the other hand...

I'm like goodnight slash face plant into my pillow and kiss it seventy five times because I love being in bed, love, love, love.

Point being... this sleep crap is Husband's fault (isn't it always?).


Anyway, back to the sleep training.

We have a bedtime routine that we have done forever.

But... every so often, someone will be over for dinner, or we will be out a little late, and we will let the Bug stay up  and then one thing leads to another.... and we are all freaking the eff out at 10:30 pm because Lovebug is still standing at his damn gate yelling, "COCK-A-DOODLE-DO... MORNING TIME!"

You laugh, but for real, I am doing Lamaze breathing in the corner trying not to have an anxiety attack slash Hulk smash the gate and the rooster.

Today for nap time, I made this deal with Lovebug...

If you get out of your bed to poop, that's fine... ONCE. (The kid swears he has to poop seventeen times a night, you'd think he was hooking himself up to an IV of spinach in there)...

After that, I will close the door (he likes it open).

I put a baby proofing door knob thing-er on his side of the door, just in case I had to actually close the door....

Which of course I did.

And when I did, the kid went ape shit... naturally.

Everything I read about this Tough Love business told me to prepare for a maniac child to slam things into the door... and everything I read was right.

I heard him rip open a bag of hand me down clothes, and throw every last shirt at the door.

Not so bad, right?

Next I heard his plastic Adirondack chair slam into the door...

Okay, now he's getting a little more serious.

Then I hear something heavy, and loud.

I am wondering what it was as a poof of white air comes out from under the door and I smell the unmistakable smell of baby powder.

Oy... I know this is not going to be pretty when I open that door.

The kid is going buck freaking wild at this point.

Crying, sobbing, punching the door....

"WHAT ABOUT ME!? DON'T LEAVE ME! HELP! DAD! DAD! I DON'T YIKE MY BED! I DON'T YIKE MY ROOM! I HAVE TO POOP! OPEN THIS DOOR! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW! OPEN IT- OPEN IT- OPEN IT!"

I'm still mad so nothing is phasing me...

I'm not like enjoying myself, but I am not impressed by the same old song and dance...

But my child... oh my child never lets me down...

I'm standing at the door, feet covered in baby powder, listening carefully as the room goes silent.

And then... I hear the angry pitter patter of toddler feet, stomping across the room, up onto the bed...

And then... angry toddler throws open the curtains, takes a deep breath, and yells....


"HELP!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I NEED A VACATION! A VACATION AND A FIREMAN!"


Now that I wasn't expecting.

I couldn't help it... I started laughing... who the heck is this kid and where does he come up with this shit??

I had to give him points for being creative.. so I opened the door and helped him calm down.

At the end of the game... the score was Lovebug 1, Mommy 0....

I'll get him next time though... him, his fireman, AND his vacation.





6 comments :

  1. As of now our little girl sleeps great... in her crib! I slightly panic thinking about the day {in the probably not to distant future} when we put her in her "big girl bed" she figures out she can actually get up... I'll remember to hide the baby powder :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha ha ha ha!
    This is the funniest blog post ever! I even read it out loud to my husband because he wondered why I was giggling so much. Sleep training is a total bitch and if there is anything I learned from my first guinea pig...I mean child...it's to sleep train young. My 3 year old gets up every single night without fail. My 20 month old sleeps through almost always (and I only say "almost" because I fear without saying so I will jinx myself).

    ReplyDelete
  3. omg i had no idea about the powder what a pain in the butt haha

    ReplyDelete
  4. omg this story is too funny! i dont know what im going to do when jasper does this to me :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This. Is. AWESOME. I TOTALLY need a vacation and a fireman! Thank you soooo much for the laugh today :)

    ReplyDelete

Say something nice, go:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Blog design by Get Polished | Copyright Our Tiny Place 2017