1/31/12

Mother of the Year

Remember when I posted this sign on my chalkboard... and told the world that I am once and for all giving up Diet Pepsi??

Well...it is freakin' hard.

If I close my eyes, I can almost hear the fizzing of the bubbles when it is poured from the can (never a bottle) over a glass of ice.

Uggghhh... I die.

I looove Diet Pepsi, especially with pizza.

You know who else loves it?

My mother, and my sisters.

Those little bitches are loving drinking the cold and bubbly brown stuff right in front of me, and laughing as I squirm (that's family for ya).

Last week I had lunch at my parent's house... while they all drank the good stuff, I drank watered down Crystal Light (not bad, but not my crack).

Long story short, I basically over did it on the Crystal Light, and found myself needing to pee my friggin' face off just 20 minutes into our 60 minute ride home.

You know, I've been potty trained for like twenty six years or something ridiculous like that, you'd think I would be able to hold it by now.

I tried singing, opening the windows, changing my position in the car.... it didn't matter, my bladder was a water balloon inside me threatening to burst at any second.

I got about 25 minutes from home and said screw it and pulled off a random Exit, opened both doors on the passenger side of the car and popped a squat on the side of the road.

Lovebug was in the back seat doing his usual two-year-old-panic-attack, ninety-seven-questions -in-five-seconds thing:

"Mom! Mom! What are you doing! Are you hiding on the ground? Are you goin' pee Mom? What's that noise? Is the policeman gonna be mad? Mom! Mom! Are you done? Are you going to wipe? Whose honking? Mom!"

I of course, can not concentrate on peeing with all that racket and am squatting there bare assed with a serious case of stage fright.

When I can finally get it out, I try so hard not to pee on my pink converse that I instead, get it all the way down my leg... awesome.

Ten minutes later, me and my wet leg are driving down the highway... only 15 miles from home when Lovebug says:

"Mom... I gotta go pee."

And then, with just two little words, I became Mother of the Year:

"Hold it."

2 comments :

  1. Hahahahahahaha.....hahaha....that's all I got. Too funny

    ReplyDelete
  2. Although I haven't commented a lot lately- your posts have been cracking me up. Lead by example Mom- geez. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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