One of my closest friends got engaged this past weekend. To one of my brother's closest friends... weird huh?? But weird in a good way, like jello. Ironically enough, both have been apart of my family for as long as I can remember. And now, they are going to start their own family. Awwwww.
Husband and I are so excited for a big ol' fat Irish wedding, and for our two friends to get hitched. I actually placed a not-so-friendly bet with my brother on Thanksgiving. I bet said couple would be engaged, married, and pregnant by the end of 2011. I also told my friend I refuse to lose, so I will be coming to her house to set the mood, light candles and help her into her garters if I have to. I hate losing. Especially to my brother.
Anyway, after I heard the good news I got to thinking about marriage. Husband and I consider ourselves pretty damn lucky to actually really enjoy being married. I come from a long line of realllly long marriages, so I picked up the phone and started calling my relatives to see what kind of good marriage advice they could offer our friends.
My parents, who have been married almost 34 years, said, "Be good to each other," and "Marriage is a full time job, you have to put in effort and try everyday."
Both sound pieces of advice, but pretty generic if you ask me. I wasn't impressed. So I kept calling.
I tried my mom's parents, married 60 years this April. They too, had some pretty hokey answers for me.
"Never go to bed angry, " and "Have fun with it."
Come on people, after 60 years that's the freaking best you can do??
I had one more call to make, and I hoped they wouldn't let me down. I called my dad's parents, married 62 years next fall.
My grandfather answered. He is not a man of many words, and the ones he uses are usually pretty ridiculous. Grandpa doesn't sugar coat anything, in fact, I am not sure he even knows what it means to sugar coat something.
I knew Grandpa would have some glorious little nugget of honest-to-God truth for my friends, after all, this is the man who famously says, "Put bull shit on chapped lips, then you won't lick 'em."
True, right? I had a feeling he would give me what I was looking for.
First things first; Grandpa laughed at me when I asked for marriage advice. He pretty much thought that was an absurd thing for me to call him about. He humored me anyway, I am his grand-daughter after all.
He said, "Keep your chin up, it gets better."
And then, "Learn to say 'yes' a lot."
That Grandpa, he's good right?? Tells you exactly how it is.
He didn't say it, but I am pretty sure he wanted to add, "Sleep in separate beds," which my Grandparents have been doing nearly my entire life. Twin beds, side by side. Everyone needs their space, right?
Anyway, my Grandmother said pretty much the same thing. She is a realist too(aside from the bomb shelter full of Irish Spring soap and Campbell's soup in her basement), and gave it to me straight.
"There are going to be tough times, dont let every little thing get to you."
She also said it is pretty much a bunch of "baloney" to not go to bed angry. She, like me, believes sometimes things are better in the morning.
What she said next, is like the hokey pokey, what she said next is, "what it's all about."
She said, "There have been bad times, there have been good times, I wouldn't trade a day."
That's the long and short of it really.
Be happy where you are, make the most of your life together, bloom where you are planted.
And so, to the happy couple, though I have only been married a short 3 1/2 years myself, and am more or less still basking in newly-wed glow... I offer you this; my own advice.
Take time out of everyday to be married. Even if it means sitting next to each other on the couch, or having your skin touch for just a second before bed.
Remember why you love each other, and why you want to get married.
You are a team now, act like it always.
Support each other. Be proud of each other. Enjoy each other.
Listen first, speak second.
And if all else fails, get twin beds.
|Congrats to the future Mr. & Mrs.!|