2/13/17

The Home Stager

Last we left off I told you that we were re-listing our home, and that we had worked with a Home Stager.

So what happened was, our new realtor hired a Home Stager, who came, walked through our house alone, and then with us, and then alone again.

She was so nice and chatty, and took lots of pictures and had such sweet and positive things to say....

And then she sent us an email with more than 150 things to do, and links, and exclamation points!! And so many things!

I know.

Her list was thorough, and LOOONG, and pretty expensive when you add up all the money that we need to spend to make it a reality.

But, it is what it is at this point... if I'm being honest, she's right about nearly all of it.

Some things I'm like, ehh... about... I mean, it's her job, so she knows best, however... I don't think we need to hide ALLLL of our toys.

I mean, kids live here, ya know?

Thank goodness for our realtor, bless her cute heart, she told us to just look at the stager's list, and pick half or three quarters of things to do- she said that it's not all 100% necessary...

She said this to us before the Home Stager ever even came to our house, so, clearly she knew what she was getting us into.

I feel like a Stager's job is to basically come in, and tell your Husband/Wife to do everything that you've been telling him/her to do for years.

So... we painted. And painted. AND PAINTED. AND PAINTED our fucking hands off.

The Home Stager suggested Benjamin Moore's Manchester Tan, for like, EVERY WALL.

Apparently, this is the color of new construction, and tricks people into thinking that your home is newer than it is.

Let me just note here, in case I am reading this ten years from now, and am considering doing a home renovation of any kind, ever again: DON'T DO IT SELF. DON'T DO IT.

My house was TORN apart for a week, with couches pushed in the middle of every single room, and rollers, and tape, and paint cans, and tool boxes in every direction.

It absolutely sucked.

THEN... add to the total chaos of painting your entire house: SNOW DAYS! LOTS OF THEM.

Ugh, it was a nightmare. Three kids and a construction site house, snowed in...

It's funny 'cause I'm not super religious but last week I heard myself talking to God quite a bit... let's just say I was taking a lot of deep breaths.

They're lucky they are so cute.



Besides painting, we changed a bunch of lights out for oil rubbed bronze versions, we took down all but 4 family photos in the entire house...

Considering we probably had 75 up, it feels pretty naked around here.

Our list is forever forever forever long... we've been to Home Depot and Lowe's 50 times.


We are bleeding money.

Speaking of money... this weekend we got a storage unit, and put a ton of our stuff in there.



We basically de-personalized the entire house.

Which everyone hears about on HGTV but really, when you actually switch out everything fun and exciting you own for neutral, white, and boring... it is sad.

It instantly takes your house from your home to .... not your home.

The Stager told us in a matter of fact manner that the most important thing for us, was paint, and lots of it... because our home looks a little bit like it's been beaten up by three children.

Hmm... not my angels.

She said that emptying out wasn't a huge focus for us, but I got the storage unit anyway... here's why.

Last year, when we got the text about a showing... things went like this:

SHIT FUCK SHIT
THROW ALL THE THINGS IN THE CAR- EVERY FUCKING THING
GRAB YOUR CLOTHES, GRAB YOUR SHOES, GRAB ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A HUMAN HAS TOUCHED IT AND PUT IT IN THE FUCKING CAR!!!!!

Thank the Lord we weren't selling our cars... cause those shits were full of laundry baskets and five thousand toys.

This year, my hope, my dream, my "in my brain this sounds nice," idea... is that if I get a ton of stuff out of the house ahead of time, then maybe I wont have as much stuff to clean.

Makes sense right?

I mean... it sounds good.

Who the shit knows if it will actually work out... but in the mean time...

We are selling, EVERYTHING... and anything that isn't getting sold is going to Good Will, or the storage unit.

We have an official date for the photographer to come, and so now it's just a matter of how fast can we get things done...

Our list still has some major things on it, like painting my beloved yellow front doors.

And our beach bathroom... waaaah.



But, like my friend's husband said to me the other night... "Complain about it, get if off your chest, and then do it... because you want to move, right?"

Right.

Right.





2/10/17

Cook's Companion Wonder Pot Review (& CAKE TOO!)

Here's a little known fact about my kitchen... I have an entire humongous cabinet designated to just gadgets.

I know what you're thinking... "So does everyone."

Well, you might be right, but mine are special.

You see, my Father in Law used to watch the shopping network at night... do you see where this is going?

So we own every strange, and exciting, and interesting, faster than a speeding bullet, kitchen appliance known to man.

I have one of everything, and something that does everything.

So, as a lover of all things speedy and cooking-y... I was super excited when I was asked to review the Cook's Companion 6 in 1 Wonder Pot.


This little guy does the work of 6 different appliances, in one... hence the 6 in 1 name, of course.

You can use it to bake, stir fry, steam and even make rice, stew or soup.

The Wonder Pot is very "set it and forget it," - kinda like a crock pot, but with more features... and the digital settings make it pretty much fool proof.

I think this little guy would be great to use in the summer months so you're not standing over a hot stove, it is the perfect size (3.2 qt) for side dishes or small meals.

Or at large family gatherings, because it has a small footprint, and wont take up a lot of counter space, but is super easy to clean (take the pot out, soap and water, done).

Plus... if you are ever traveling somewhere that you don't have an oven but you do have electricity... and you are someone that enjoys a daily baked good (ahem, me)... then you need to bring this guy with you because...

HELLO... you can BAKE A CAKE without an oven.

I know, because I did it!

I made a recipe from the Cook's Companion Cook Book and it was super easy.... so easy that it is actually called, "The Easy & Delicious Wonder Pot Cake."



I just followed the instructions, dumped the ingredients all in the pot, and then hit "bake".


In 50 minutes (this time is pre-set when you hit "bake" it automatically cooks for 50 minutes) we had a perfect little cake.


The inside of the Wonder Pot is a ceramic, non-stick pot, so my cake came out super easily, no prying, or hoping the whole thing would come out in one piece...

Just plop! And out it came! Look at how smooth and not crumbly it is!

 It was the perfect snow day treat, that didn't really take any work on my part (win!).

The cake was super moist, totally low maintenance and delicious... for real!

If you're in the market for an affordable, one and done, no fuss kitchen gadget, I give this guy two thumbs up.

Enter below for your chance to win a Cook's Companion Wonder Pot... Good Luck!







Disclaimer: I received a Wonder Pot for review. All opinions are my own, and yours may vary. As always, I ate the calories and am wearing them on my thighs because I wanted to.

2/7/17

The Salad Bar...

Yes- another salad bar post.

Except this one isn't nearly as delicious as the last one.

So I sent Husband into the grocery store to grab us salads at the salad bar.

I know.

Sending him in alone was my first mistake.

But... I did it anyway.

So he comes out of the store with two tins... his, and mine, obviously.

I take one look at his and I'm like, "Well that looks like a beautiful gourmet feast... who was in there, Emeril?!"

My God.. it was a fucking beautiful salad.

It was every color of the rainbow and chock full of all kinds of protein... I had to admit... he did a good freaking job...

On his. HIS.

My poor tin on the other hand...

Had two things in it: spinach, and tomatoes.

That's it.

So I'm like, "So, how come yours looks so amazing and mine... doesn't? Why do you have lobster and chicken and ham and cheese and eggs and I... don't?"

And he's like... ((chomp chomp chomp)) "Oh, I didn't think you'd want any."

I look down at my poor salad again like... hmmm... what?

Seriously, who doesn't want a beautiful Giada at Home salad?

So now I'm looking back and forth from my salad, to his, and back again and I notice something.

"Hey..." I say, as I glance over at him crunch, crunching away...

There's legitimately food falling out of his mouth, he has so much healthy goodness in front of him, he's like a human juice bar.... just all greens, goodness, and false promises...

"How come I have tomatoes and you don't?"

"Oh," he says... "I would never eat those nasty salad bar tomatoes... those things are fucking disgusting."

Welp... Spinach it is.






2/6/17

Is It Just Me Or...

Sometimes I look at kid things and I'm like... who approved this?

Seriously- this is not kid friendly.

Case in point...

I was reading a book to the kids...

I'm not gonna tell you which one because I'm sure someone put their blood, sweat, and tears into getting it published and sold and I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm just... surprised?

Anyway, I'm reading this book to the kids, and I'm just minding my own business when I turn the page and....



You see that dog on her knee.. you see his look of sheer terror and confusion and but WHHHHHYYYY-ness?

That's how I looked too!! I am actually still making that face right this very second as I type this.

HOW, how did this get passed the illustrator, author, publisher??

Plus all their families?

You know someone was like, "Hey Honey, check out my illustrations, and pictures for the old lady book..."

And not ONE person was like, "Ahh... why's she gotta swallow a pole? I thought this was a family book?"

I mean I know, I KNOW that's not what it's supposed to look like, but hello, it does anyway!

Come on. Seriously...

It's not just me, right?

RIGHT!?

Fine, FINE. Whatever. You can pretend that nothing even remotely non-PG would have ever crossed your mind if you were reading that book but guess what?!

I don't believe you.
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